Friday, 16 January 2015

OUT OF THE MOUTH OF BABES!


All characters referred to in this blog are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

Hi folk, sorry to burst your bubble but the above historic legal disclaimer does not apply to this blog! Yes, I shall endeavour not to mention anyone's name in my posts unless with their expressed consent, this however is the real world, true life story and my hopes are that all
my 'one of my friends', 'this my uncle' 'that my Aunty', 'nerdy mentor', 'my besto' or 'that my fav cousin' are able to recognise as your characters may pop up every now and again. Hopefully on such occasions you'll be flattered, amused or God-forbid embarrassed!


I have a little nephew and niece and this is where this blogging thing gets somewhat awkward you see  both their names start with the same initial so to maintain their anonymity I'm going to refer to them as Big Sis K, she's 7 years old and Little Bros K, he's 5.  After consultations with Big Sis K she's given me the go ahead to share two true life stories that involve her. She may only be 7 years old but she sure has a wise head on her. She's the font of all wisdom and matters arising. She's her brother's pop idol, stylist, educator and Wikipedia.

Whenever Little Bros K asks Big Sis K anything she has an appropriate answer. She hates to see him upset so you can imagine her dilemma during a chat with him the other day. Little Bros had worked himself up into a frenzy saying he never wants to get married. His sister asks him why and he replies because he does not want to kiss anybody. This gives Big Sis K grave concern she says in a sweet cute low tone (we adults often refer to such as being patronising!!) 'Little Bros K kissing is really not that bad you know' (that's actually debatable darling!) this does nothing to pacify him, he takes the decibels in his voice up a notch he shouts and spells it out clearly to her, 'I-say-I'm-not getting-married!!!' 
Now this is real serious matter and my niece is having none of it so she continues 'Little Bros K honestly it's really okay to kiss, you know as along as you are married, it will be alright'
For the next 10 minutes or so Big Sis K with her 7 years of life experience is hard-selling the pros of kissing within the confinement of marriage to her brother. (Straight-face smiley, It's debatable smiley, Not getting involved in this one smiley, Sitting on the fence smiley). Small Bros K obviously didn't stand a chance did he? Sometime in the future he's going to be walking that aisle with Big Sis K seated in front pew with golden coloured gele (head tie) firmly tied on her head, nodding with big wide smile plastered on her face.

Roll-on true story no. 2, it's my birthday, family members and one friend (you know yourself) are in attendance, its a close knit affair. My friend comes out from kitchen, sits down and starts tucking into her plate of jollof, glances up at my brother and Sister-in-law and tells them calmly 'Little Sis K has just told me in the kitchen 'Aunty, do you know my dad once tried to kill my mum?'

Shock, horror, fear suddenly flushed through me, I'm quickly asking myself how could I have missed this, I'm scanning my sis-in-law for hidden bruises or cover make-up. Looking at my brother and thinking but he's not the type. Before I have time to further process what my niece has just said both my brother and sister-in-law calling out in chorus 'BIG SIS K' she comes skipping into the living room happy as Larry, all cuteness personified, smiling sweetly.

Mum & Dad: Big Sis K when did Daddy try to kill mummy?
Big Sis K : That day in the bedroom when mummy said so ( At this point I'm thinking oh no, this better not be what I think it is, too much information)
Anyway guys, upon interrogation it turns out on the day of the 'alleged' attempted murder, my Sister-in-Law had a bad cold so she asks her cough-cold prone hubby whether he had any medication she could use. He hands her some cold relief tablets he had in a drawer, trust Mrs to check the expiry date and she notices that they have expired, so how do you think she reacts to this observation?
'Oh darling thanks but these tabs have expired, you really should be more careful about such honey, you know how dangerous it could be'
Sorry guys that would have been the response of Angelina Jolie in a movie, this however is true life story with a Naija woman involved and what Big Sis K actually heard her mother scream out to her dad was 'Haaah, you want to kill me!!!!!'

So Big Sis K had simply put her own spin on a conversation she had overheard. Debatable isn't it?
Out of the mouth of babes......
I guess that's kids for you.
As we go about our daily hustle lets spare a thought for all those innocent children out there particularly the vulnerable ones with no one to look out for them or provide their basic needs. 


Thanks for all feedback and round of applause for those of you that managed to post comments on my first post as I understand some of you found it somewhat 'tricky'. 
As a special reward for those of you that persevered and managed to post comments, I shall be sending out T-shirts with the words 'I visited Risi By Name's blog and all I got was this lousy T-shirt' printed boldly in front, we stock a wide range of sizes & colours including powder blue, baby pink, lilac, mint green and ox-blood red. Just let me know your preference. 

Thank God it's Friday. Take care and lets make the most of the weekend. 



25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Creativity in action, making me to think deeper before I open my mouth. Well done. Deji.

Anonymous said...

Hey that's not fair. How will I get my T shirt in 9ja. Please email my T shirt to me o. This is your jealous friend. Tola

Foluke (Bose) Gabriel said...

Me I want Blood of Jesus Red, Fuschia Pink or Royal Blue

Anonymous said...

My belle oh, my head oh. Very funny

Alatenumo

Anonymous said...

Aunty Risi, you are a good story teller! I enjoyed it.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for putting me in the story. Love you aunty Ollybabes!

Little Sis K

Anonymous said...

Great piece, HipHopPsych is inspired. Na wa oo, these kids go land person for trouble.

Aunty OllyBabes said...

You're most welcome Sis K, love you & Little Bros K too Xxx

Anonymous said...

Interesting story. Let's see more blogging, possibly daily, on various issues.
I hope you are serious about the T-Shirt, don't mind mint green but how do we get
in naija. FTA

Risi By Name said...

Hmmm blogging daily? Food for thought. Thanks. Apologies mint green currently out of stock!

Risi By Name said...

Haaaaah Tola!!! I'm thankful for DHL Tracking Service, is this not your signature I'm viewing here on the Goods Delivered invoice?

Risi By Name said...

And to think you were a witness to True Story no.2, your initial reaction was not laughter!

Anonymous said...

Haba, I was impersonated o. ( if there is a word like that.) Anyway don't do 419 for me o. I want my T shirt in RED.

Unknown said...

Wow!!! Hidden Talent! I loved the piece, especially pointing out the difference between a western woman and a real African woman. O fe pami o!!!!! That is the way we do it. Shout to all the women out there. Love always, Ronke

Risi By Name said...

My friend from across the 'pond' you are most welcome here.

Risi By Name said...

You're the first to post comment! Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Forget DHL, try Eastern Union. Western Union is for instant money transfer & Eastern Union is for instant valuable items & goods transfer. For your information, I happen to be the sole agent for Eastern Union.......Demola

Anonymous said...

Interesting stories.... Those are the 'PG' versions. We're eager to read the adult (real) versions when the kiddies have gone to bed (after 9pm)....Demola

wunmi Talabi said...

That piece put a smile on my work weary face . I need more ! I love your style of writing, so much creativity you had locked up for years! Let it all spew out girl! Wunmi

Risi By Name said...

.....the awkward moment when that one person lowers the tone!!!!

Anonymous said...

From the friend at your birthday. Expecting my powder blue tee shirt.

Anonymous said...

Haba children una nor go put us for trouble for this oyinbo land. If say na calabar style when bi abasi wahala don come

Let's try as parents to mind our language (as like the mind your language school program on TV) when we talk

Seun said...

Looooool this story makes me miss Big Sis K and Little Bros K so much, I would say I can't believe she said that but knowing BIg SIs K I'm not surprised at all :D

Risi By Name said...

Seun, Big Sis K & Little Bros K miss you ever so much too Xxx

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the world of blogging, if I may ask, when do we expect profit to start rolling in? from adverts ke! I bet bros K will change his mind at the appropriate time.