I wonder how many of you are like me!
I can worry and fret for England. When faced with a situation I'll magnify the issue, sit down whinge, whine and complain. I'll imagine the worst case outcome of that scenario, replay it in my head, rewind, fast forward and live it in my imagination. I've been known to go on like a broken record and over-analyse things. I really wonder how my people cope with me. At times when I'm over analysing a situation the girls have a default response for me! It's the above statement 'Mum, it's not that deep!' This really winds me up and I ask them 'what do you mean it's not that deep??' And the reply is usually " But it's not mum!!!"
I've checked the urban dictionary for the definition of this phrase it means "The situation at hand does not require such desperate actions or "stop being so dramatic"!!!
But isn't that the whole point "drama"? Which Nigerian is not dramatic? Personally I think it's in our DNA. We shout, scream, verbalise and express ourselves. Unlike our people on this side of the pond, when faced with a stressful situation, the usual response would be to sniff and then put the kettle on for a 'cuppa tea' to calm the nerves and evaluate the situation. Back home, when 'something has happened' they usually come to break the news at the crack of dawn, 'they' will start to bang the gate early hours of the morning.
And talking of gates, I remember being woken up with a bang on my door in the middle of the night back in Naija, I was attending law school at the time and for the duration of my studies living in an uncle's Boy's Quarters in Ikoyi. I smile as I type as I've just checked definition of boys quarters and here goes “The Boys' Quarters is the colloquial name given to the servants' quarters, a post-colonial hangover and an ever-present feature of modern West African life. The place where, to this day, servants and sometimes extended family members live" so it's confirmed guys, upon all my purported swagger back then "they say" I lived in servants quarters!
There was no light, I could hear voices and torch lights were flashing, I was really scared thinking it may be armed robbers until I heard my parents voice!!! Lo and behold what are my parents doing on the island this late at night? I open the door blinded by the torch lights. Now this is really good: as I unlock my door, I'm faced with 6 people; my parents, an uncle and aunt, and the uncle and aunt that lived in main house where I was staying! I wondered 'what's all the commotion?'
Well this is how this one goes down, you see my cousin had come down from her university in Ile-Ife to spend a weekend me the previous week and unfortunately for her, that weekend while she was in Lagos with me, her parents had gone to visit her and met her absence! Upon her return, she met their message left for her to come to see them and explain her whereabouts and absence. See gobe!!
The reason for this nocturnal visit by my parents, her parents and home owners was to verify her story. I confirmed that her story was the truth and got a good telling off for 'harbouring' her that weekend and not facing my studies, got in double trouble for not letting the home owners know that she had been around that weekend, there was a lot of kneeling down, begging and pleading accompanied with 'I'm sorry Aunty/uncle I/we won't do it again', begging also on my cousin's behalf. It was such a big 'hooha'
But really looking back now even I wonder if it really was that deep?? The drama was 'plenty' if you ask me.
I could imagine myself waking my daughters under the same circumstances and getting the response, "yes mum she spent the weekend with us, but is that why you've driven down this late hour? It's not really that deep"
When I told them this tale they were very amused and said, times have changed and that if it was now and a friend had come over to spend weekend with them I'd probably be one of the first to know, as they would most likely send me a selfie or whatsapp message to let me know what fun they were having. But back then university was so sacred, our parents felt the sole purpose one had gone there was to 'face our studies' and nothing else. Socials were just not part of it. The thought of sending a 'foto' of oneself 'having fun' to ones parents just does not cut it!!
I often chat with friends and agree that a lot of our parents behaviour has possibly rubbed off on us and we often do make "mountains out of mole hills". I have a friend, she knows herself, she's bit OCD and had a glass coffee table at home, she just loves shining and polishing it. She hates to see any mark or finger prints on it, she tells me that when she has guests and they touch it and leave fingerprints she feels stressed. She always on at her sons to keep the table fingerprint free as well. The rules are many and include you cannot rest your feet on it, you dare not put your keys on it or glass cups. And she goes into frenzy when these rules are breached and usual reply she gets from her sons are "It's not that deep mum, it's only a table" she finds that phrase so annoying but takes a deep breath. Within her she knows they have point, but it still gets her so upset. The mucky fingerprints on the table are her reality!
I guess we all have idiosyncrasies that make us who we are, or those little things that irk us. Things that may seem so trivial to a 3rd party but in our own heads can be a minefield. And I laugh out loud again as I think of a particular 'somebody' I know that goes crazy anytime she notices typos, grammatical errors or Naija text abbreviations. They drive her absolutely crazy, she says each grammatical error literally jumps out at her, slapping her like a red rag to a bull! Particularly the Naija universal text abbreviations you know them well, I name a few, like when 'they' swap:
'Am' for I am
'Av' for have
'D' for the
'Dis' for this
'Dat' for that
'Awa yu' for how are you (true story didn't make that one up!)
'Ben' for been (what's point of dropping that one letter???)
'Nutin' for nothing
'Wid' for with (but why?)
'Sumtin' for something
The list is non exhaustive, innovative though somewhat irritating! I really feel her pain.
My dear friend 'should in case' you're wearing your "typo-spotting" hat as you read post, this is my story this is my song:
"All typos or grammatical errors are deliberate" LOL!
Have you got any bugbears that really make you see red but others feel are not really that deep?
I guess the secret is we should learn to take a chill pill.
This is also a good time to thank and acknowledge our dear ones for their Pep, Get A Grip and Count Your Blessings Talks that often help us get by!
And in case we still feel it's that deep, please tap here and 'shake body' small.
On that note let's thank God it's Friday and have great weekend.
Better to be the one that smiled than the one that didn't smile back ~ Unknown
17 comments:
It can be that deep sometimes, especially if you are not in control and cant change or turn the situation around. It is human quality to worry and fret if one is able to change the situation for better. If you are Unable to change the situation, what is the purpose of the fret and worry and stress?. I can be objective when faced with a difficult situation. To worry and fret or not to worry and fret?. I am able to make this decision from a very early stage. I am human, I will whinge about a bad decision that I had made and in hindsight wish I had made a different decision.
On this side of the world they tend to take things not so seriously, excepting if it is a matter of life and death, they get over their mistakes or worries very quickly over a cup of tea or by walking their dogs or going for a meal. They tend to be relaxed about what we fus about.
In those days our parents can be deep and dramatic. Make so much fus about nothing. I guess it comes from a good place. We got away with nothing then. Our children get away with a lot today. If we tried half of what our children got away with today, our homes will be motherless. You know what happens to mothers when children misbehave. It is all our mother's fault.
It can be that deep
When the train is empty and a fellow commuter chooses to sit right next to me.
When a fellow commuter assumes that I am keen on listening to their telephone conversation for the duration of my journey.
When I am rushing to catch an hourly train and my fellow commuter cannot hear me asking to be excused, to rush for my next train cos they have their head phones on and deaf to the world.
When I am kept waiting at the till just cos a shopper cannot come off their phone for a minute
When a driver utilise two parking spaces
When people don't have credit on their Oyster card and can't understand why access is not granted into the train station
When in the middle so summer, a guy in dark glasses decides to sit right opposite me when the train is empty. What are his plans?
A friend of mine can't seem to understand why I am so stressed and bothered by these nonsense. I said to her that if I am not affected by these actions I won't be bothered. She said to me just "zone out". I cannot, I want to be conscious of my immediate environment, have a stress free commute, feel safe and that is a choice I have made. No regrets.
na real 'Gobe'
My big bugbear st the moment is "its not that big of a deal"
My daughter is so laid back, she is positively horizontal! Everything is not that big of a deal. It doesn't help that I'm a bit hyper as well. and then I think, omoyi kin se ejo e! (it is not your fault) 3 'square' meals/ day, cold/hot water on demand from tap, no 'koboko' or kunle sibe yen(kneel down there).
off course it is not that big of a deal!
thank God that our children are living the life of Larry aka Lanre.
It's not always that deep! Even though everything is drama in Naija. Talking about early morning/ late night gate bangs; I have had one relative calling at 6am for the past 2 days! When I eventually decided to pick the call this morning; she just truly wanted to say hello and 'catch me' before going to work !
Deep or not; I guess the liberation will be when to admit what it really is. And even when it's deep ; to deal with it and move on; and to be conscious of the fact that we can't always do it in our own strength . To be comfortable asking God, family and 'friends' for help when we do need it.
I would say it's not that deep as well to some of the things on anonymous's list! Otherwise one will be fussing all day.
My pet hate is plates in the sink. I love a clean sink over night. So lam like a bull in a China shop when I come down in the morning and see a sink full of plates! !! When I moan about it l get told mum get a grip it's not the end of the world!! Dela the clean sink lover
People, it really isn't that big of a deal. Whatever is stressing you, try and contextualise it (is that even a word???). If I dey Niger, how e for be? I find that this quickly calms me down. We are so lucky to have this life, so take a BIG CHILL PILL and relax. Life is good.
When I was much younger, I couldn't be fazed by anything. As I grew older I became a pathetic "worrier". My folks say if the Olympics ever have an award for worriers, I would effortlessly get a gold medal. However, I have recently realized that worrying about anything and everything takes me no where but leaves me drained in all ramifications. So I took up a personal challenge not to worry, fret, fuss, gripe or whine especially over stuff I have no control over.. And yes, I am making progress albeit slowly but I will get there.
Now my major bugbears are:
1. Loud cellphone conversations in public.
2. Being asked to retweet or share silly status updates/ messages.
3. Being tagged in posts or photos in which I have no connection.
4. Being put on the speakerphone without prior notification.
5. Leaving toast crumbs in the butter dish or on the butter itself.
6. Making a sucking noise with a straw when the cup or bottle is almost empty.
7 Lather marks on bathroom walls and Wet toilet seats.
8. When co-passengers on the plane (elderly though) disturbs one with their conversations, requests and questions especially on a night flight and they just can't see that a girl is sleep deprived and needs a bit of sleep.
As much as the above are my pet peeves, I am learning to tolerate them and not let them get at me. It is only when I become a Robinson Crusoe that I would not encounter all these, but until then I will put up with them and control the ones within my power.
My response to your whining and wingeing will always be the same 'shut up, life is too short'
I am just a whinger who acquires new bugbears daily.
if you think Oyinade has a long list, then you haven't seen mine!
I know I'm not all that�� ( but in my delusion I'm all that + a bowl of chips ��) LOL
So I just whinge, whinge and whinge again.
with me it is always Deep!
I'm not on Prozac so its all good, if its not broke, don't mend it!
let the whinge fest proceed.
'Aluta continua victoria asserta'
Dokwan your positivity is now becoming detrimental to my negativity.
I have tried to 'contextualise' it but I still think that there is something inherently wrong with being so upbeat all the time!
Have you ever heard of a restaurant called 'TGIM' (thank God it's Monday)?
please mind ya self O.
@ Albanese @ avenue 11:27
What kind of chips do you refer to? Cassava, plaintain or yam? Could never possibly be potato could it? I also suggest served with a side dip of fried ata din din. (Pepper stew)
I have loads of bugbears. Albeit , I have been told numerous times that it's not that "deep" by the kids, friends etc. I started thinking I might have OCD( obsessive compulsive disorder ) . Groceries displayed in certain way in the grocery cupboard , or in the fridge, clothes in the wardrobe displayed in certain parts. No handbags on the coffee table or on the bed etc. Needless to say I have somewhat relaxed but my mind is wandering all the time.
My older child now tells me to chill.. imagine that. If I said that to mum in my day ; I will be counting or picking my teeth of the floor. .Lol. We do need to chill in order to sustain good health .
Good reminder Risi. Don't we all love and hate bugbears but they make us who we are. Ultimately some things are not worth fighting for. My advice is choose your battles otherwise you become a pain in everyone's life. You might become a bugbear on someone's list...
Risikat, ka bo o. Oh oh oh. Are our parents no so good at making every little event seem lime the world will be ending soon. Every seemingly little error will always call for elders family meeting. Had a few experiences of that especially during my days in Lacostech. You will have been classed as a posh for living in boys quarters because you 'free' from the shakles of main house, you are a semi landlady. Our parent must have hated the idea of freedom and indepedence as thats about the only mechanism they had to control and mold us in their images. Bless them though, dont we love them. Just wished they learnt to chill and had the things thst could have distracted them more. They did their best in the circumstances they found themselves.
Anonymous@11.57 on 7/11
were you stalking me 2 weeks ago?
I was hit by a dose of nostalgia so I had me some dun-dun, dodo, eja din-din and ata din-din (fried yam, plantain, fried fish and pepper sauce).
lets just say my taste buds were doing 'Shoki'
It's not that deep ke?
I'm waiting for the child that will tell me that.
Infact, I have not 'borned' that child yet.
If im in a good mood I will simply slap that child into the next house.
If I am in a bad mood then heaven should be ready to accept two new visitors.
Children should respect their mothers. You cannot buy mother in the market place.
And all the children say: true talk, aunty.
If I were to be paid for everything I have been told
"It's not that deep"
OR
"It's not that big a deal"
OR
"Chill,mum"
OR
"It's not an emergency"
OR
"Is it a matter of life or death?"
...,,, I'd be one rich lady, I swear down.
Hahahaha. I'd like to out myself as the cousin who was "harboured" for the weekend!! Good times. Those were the days!! 😀😀
Post a Comment