MY PEOPLE DON REACH HERE!

I look at the image at top of this post and I'm thinking this is possibly the least aesthetically pleasing image I've posted to the date.

Or maybe I'm wrong, while some may look at this half eaten meal and their mouth starts to drool with hunger others may think 'yuck, how disgusting what's that heap of white congealed gunk doing on the plate besides those black things with that greenish slimey gooey stuff'. One thing for sure though is the image will bring different thoughts to different people.

You obviously know where I'm going with this one!

Yes 'my people' have arrived

with their love for excessive calorie laden carbohydrates, red meat and fat, coupled with an entrenched dislike for salad, anything fat-free or healthy options! Any nutritionists in the building, to help me out here?

Maybe I should speak for myself as I'm guilty as charged, I remember an outing to a posh Restaurant on Park Lane many moons ago, the scene is set:

Seasonally inspired modern French haute cuisine created by Head Chef, musician playing piano, everywhere golden, carpet pile so thick my shoes are sinking into it, we have a highly sought table overlooking the window with stunning views over the London skyline, elegant surroundings with a spectacular backdrop. Every girls dream right?

I'm sitting there feeling really hungry, I've starved myself all day for this meal. All this glitz and glam is lost on me and in my head I'm singing 'all I am saaaaaying.....give me some food'. Waiter turns up, menu looks way too complicated everything is either 'sitting on a bed' of something or strange words; walnut, Roquefort, truffle, celeriac & onion jus, vinaigrette and purée (not tin tomato o) glare at me. See me, see wahala!

Eventually I spot the words 'fish' and 'bacon' in the same sentence and think 'ah ha I can't go wrong here'. If only I knew! The meal is served however the much anticipated bacon is cut to size of maggi cubes and there are only four pieces, Same thing with the fish! Don't get me wrong we found the food tasty, but it just wasn't enough to fill my belly. To add pepper to injury, towards the end of the evening the Head Chef comes out from the kitchen to greet the diners and they start to applaud him! And I'm thinking 'applaud for what?' After starter, main course and dessert my belly is still rumbling, and with the money spent here today we could literally have fed The five thousand and I'm not even full, all I want to do is get home and reinforce my tummy with eba!

Now picture this scenario, two weeks ago my friend 'Abeni' arrives at my place on a Friday evening to spend the weekend, she suggests that we go to watch a film, I'm thinking 'how boring' and suggest a visit to an African joint (restaurant/bar) I know of 'somewhere in London', (sorry guys on this one, I will not be disclosing location!). 'Abeni' is somewhat sceptical as she prefers more upmarket set-ups, however reluctantly she agrees. We doll ourselves up and set out, 1 hour and 30 mins later we arrive at our destination (yes, it's that far!). 

We enter and 'ghen-ghen' scene is set:

Restaurant is dim-lit, we have our folk singer, social crusader, renowned actor and one time lecturer, he's playing his famous keyboard in the corner, crooning out some cool old Skool Yoruba tunes, velvet wine coloured curtains draped over the windows and walls, carpet is well worn and slightly thread bare. In fact you would feel you'd been transported down-town back home. The restaurant is half full (or maybe half empty, depending on how you view things!), people from all walks of life are trooping in, greetings of 'my chief', 'my chairman', 'ore mi', 'Haja mi', 'oh baby' are being bantered around the room, we also have a Nollywood actress in the house! The smell of authentic African cooking seeps out from the kitchen. Tables are adorned with the most essential item, can you guess? Toothpick!! 

I'm in my comfort-zone and thinking 'Honey I'm home'!!!

As our orders are taken; one plate of awo (guinea fowl), a plate of fish with fried plantain, (no detailed description needed) 2 portions of igbin (snail), 2 bottles of Malta Guinness and a jug of chapman (anyone who doesn't know what chapman is, should kindly ask Google!!!) 'Abeni' is not too impressed and asks me 'why is there no choice of how hot we want the food, whether medium, hot or extra hot?' I just roll my eyes and tell her if she likes she can request for her fish in tomato ketchup!

Abeni looks around the restaurant, points to the skirting board and says 'that's the problem I have with our people see the dust and chipped corner, we lack ethics of maintenance & refurbishment'. I'm thinking 'Madame Sanitary Inspector' is it skirting board you've come to lick here this evening or plate?'

I go to 'ease' myself, when I return she asks me what's the loo like and whether there was toilet roll there!! I reply 'What's the need for toilet roll?? Sebi there's a plastic blue/white kettle there with water inside?' (for those of you that understood that part, I made it up but guess it made a few of you laugh, there was no plastic kettle O!!)

Abeni complains that the legs of the table where we sit are unsteady and wobbly, so I take bottle top off my drink, bend down under the table and 'shock' (wedge) it there, problem solved! She shakes her head. Eventually our food arrives, hot and steamy. She peers at plate, raises eyebrows and smiles. Before I know it there's a pile of fish and awo bones mounted on plates besides each of us (apologies to any vegetarian in the building) yeah right vegetarian!!

To cut a very, very, very long story short, we both have such a great time, over the course of the evening 'Complainant Abeni' has lightened up, singing along to ".....oni dodo, oni moin-moin..." and wriggling on her chair to the beat of the music. I literally have to drag her out of this place some 4 hours later as she's having time of her life but I'm tired and need my beauty sleep!

Now over to you guys, your comments are what do it for me. I'm sure you've had similar experiences to this my 'Tale of Two Restaurants' and you know how we people like our food. 

The first five commentators on last week's post Because I'm your mother that's why!  Namely Soji, Foluke, Tola, BMW & Aburo Remi have each won an exclusive Risi By Name Blog hamper.

Double honours also awarded to Anonymous (25 Jan @ 13:58) and Mummy Dun for the most imaginative suggestions of Baba dudu and Tree Top drink as items for the hamper.

Till next Friday! Have a great weekend.

Note to 'Abeni', I know you're coming for me xxx