I was reading a quote on a meme the other day it read something like this:
My parents spanked me as a child, as a result I now suffer from a psychological condition known as "Respect For Others"
I smiled to myself as it all came flooding back. I have a distant memory of myself, brothers and sister as children sitting in the car with my mum stuck in Lagos traffic. The hawkers are all out with their wares, a mallam selling horse whips pushes his head through the car window offering my mum a horse whip, 'Madam buy this horsewhip (also known as koboko) for your pikins'
For those of you not getting this gist, for the sake of clarity let me spell it out to you, he's not selling an artefact for house decorations, this 'brother' for short of using the 'N' word is selling a horse whip as an instrument to ''beat" us, in English commonly known as spanking all in the name of discipline.
We all sit there staring at the man, stiffly eyeballing him and wishing him away and wondering what kind of 'wahala' is this. (Luckily mum looks at the whip appearing rather disinterested ) we sigh in relief. As the traffic lightens and mum starts to pull away, chap kicks off his rubber slippers running after the car, shouting "madame, buy now or do you want your pikins to spoil' mum stretches her neck looks back at us and wait for this....reverses the car back (Yes I know you can't reverse 'forward', your point noted!!) anyway after a lot of haggling mum buys this horsewhip throws into back of car as we drive home. See gobe!!
At this point in time I shall be sparing you details of the role this horse whip played in our household over the years, it made its appearance from time to time and one day mysteriously disappeared :-(
The curious of case of the missing horsewhip and 4 spoilt children!
I smile as I type imagining some oyinbo child psychologist reading this blog and shaking their head and thinking 'If that's not child abuse, what is? I always knew there was something wrong with that Ola girl she's ever so passively aggressive'
Well come on guys you should all know the kind of good old 'Home-grown Naija' discipline I'm talking about here, not the crazy evil excessive type that we all know exists.
My point is that it never did us any harm. It was just part of life and helped to mould us. You know THAT stare from your folk as a child that meant, when asked if you had eaten when visiting your aunt you automatically said yes even though it was your fav jollof rice with chicken and plantain on top and you had not eaten all day!
Or how our parents got us to think logically by being ever so negative, like asking your mum a silly question and she gives ridiculous answer, which encouraged us to reason. For example while holding a basket full of dirty laundry and asking her where you should put it and she replies 'Come and put it in my head'.
I laugh at the thought of so many kids nowadays that would just not get that type of sarcasm and reply, 'Ok lower your head mum' or naively ask "But mum why would you want to put it on your head". Bless them.
Over generations parenting techniques have somewhat been watered down, having a conversation with a friend of mine in the run up to GCSE's and A level exams earlier in the year, she was telling me how she had told her children that she would be happy with any result they brought home as long as they knew they had done their best.
A far cry from back in the day, when every summer was hell as she sat awaiting her results and every misdeed committed was met with a less subtle reference to the exam she had sat from her mother with an 'Ahhhhh sebi breeze go blow, fowl gnash go open and if gnash open na pepper I go put inside' in other words 'Continue, after all your results will soon come out and God forbid you have not done well...'
No pressure.
What's your take on modern day parenting compared to old school?
On that note thank God it's Friday, have great a weekend.
Cow wey dey in a hurry to go America go come back as corn beef ~ Unknown
Hahaha! Tele nko, na cow must become corned beef. As they say "life is a femsle dog"
ReplyDeleteWhat they did to us is CHILD ABUSE!
no other name for it.
I believe in the rod of correction not the rod of killing the child!
So true cow wey remain in Africa can never become corn beef. Asun, Suya, kilishi or fried meat inside cooking pot maybe but never corn beef!
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ReplyDeleteOla you are a 4.1.10 merchant!
Your rod is "PAMPERED CHEF". if my parents had used this kind of Rod, my vain self would have received my beating happily.
Instead they will 'reverse back' and buy one rubbish 'Koboko' from Baba Biliki!
I'm not sure how much good the suffer head we went through did. I look around me at my peers who were so called 'SPOILT'. They are doing well in life now.
The beating was gratification from parents, who because they were beaten thought it was their God given right as parents to beat their children!
The so called "discipline" followed an established process modelled after some recognised judicial process with variations according to the whims of the adult, parent or elder seating as the prosecutor, judge and jury.
ReplyDeleteThe complaint was laid, no fair hearing, sentencing and execution. The first three stages, fairly straightforward therefore predictable. The execution stage is the wahala. If the sentence was six strokes of the cane (minor offence) one was expected to receive the beating with grace without wincing or making any sound otherwise the beating will commence from the start regardless of how many strokes already received.
For graver offences, or repeat offenders (such as being stubborn "strong head"), the punishment became more imaginative and colourful. For instance, one would be required to stand on one leg, raise the other, put a hand under the raised leg (the hand on the side of the raised leg) and suck the thumb on that hand. That's a very awkward and convoluted position one is subjected to. But that's not the punishment. The punishment is not to move from the spot one assumed that position. Who invented these punishments?
I'd long concluded that those adults, parents and elders who meted out these punishments were simply sadists filled with demonic inspiration.
Young child: But mummy why?
ReplyDeleteMum: Because Y has a long tail and 2 branches.
What exactly did that mean?
I have no regret for the koboko. I love it.
ReplyDeleteI kept smiling through reading the write up Ola. I was a victim of (koboko) horsewhip.. "I dare utter". My mum's favourite saying was she will never spoil me; hence the rod shall be used frequently when needed. Lol.
ReplyDeleteAlbeit, I wouldn't necessarily use the same type of discipline on my children but there were certain tactics our parents used back in those days that has helped mould us.
This type of discipline is not acceptable in this day an age, which is why you see a lot of inept behaviour in some children. Having said that, you don't have to use the rod to discipline the child always. There are other ways to manage and bring up the children.
Though did not enjoy the koboko but thankful for the upbringing.
Yemi
Yoruba mothers are one of the best when it comes to child upbringing. Yoruba mothers produce the best range of slaps: IGBATI, IFOTI, IGBAJU, IGBARUN, IFORUN, IFAKUN, ILADI, ABARA. These slaps will make you think you were adopted.
ReplyDeleteIGBATI will make you correct your wrongs instantly!
The beauty of IFOTI is, you will confess your sins on the spot.
IGBARUN, IGBAJU and IFORUN will make you expose those who committed the crime with you without hesitation.
ABARA and ILADI will make you pee in your new pants.
And apart from IGBAJU, we have an advanced one which is IGBAJU OLOYI. When you receive this one, you'll lose balance and your head will go into "auto-search" as you'll be wondering what hit you!!!
Oh!!! IGBAJU OLOYI... It can reset someone to 3D (DEAF,DUMB and DAFT). You'll be told 'let's go home' and you'll say 'its in my pocket'... LOL !!!
GOD bless our parents for the good upbringing. If you were brought-up in yoruba land, regardless of how caring your mother was, you would have encountered these slaps.....
I can relate to all the above. The comments are a good representation of how my parents disciplined us. No regrets. It made me who I am today. I am not damaged in anyway shape or form, but it made me who I am today, that is a good human being , knowing how to behave and most importantly respectful. The 16.32 post is brilliant. Can't stop laughing. Well said.
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