AN ODE TO THE WEINSTEIN'S OF NAIJA

Let me think!

Where do I begin with this one? I'm feeling rather lazy and know ideally I should start this post with a quick recap about Harvey Weinstein and what he did, but please folk if you don't know, Google is you friend, kindly visit the street!

Anyway this weekend it was a friend’s birthday (another blog for another day!) as her day drew to a close, we crashed to the floor chillaxing and conversation drifted to the above subject matter. Now the funny thing was all of us had the same dismissive attitude about the Weinstein matter and as we spoke more and more we started to scratch the surface and eventually got to what lie beneath as it transpired that there was a reason for this our lack of enthusiasm on the topic.  

We concluded that meeting a “Weinstein” was right of passage for a girl growing up in our time and for that reason unfortunately it kind of de-sensitised one as we start hearing the recent recycled tales of a filthy randy caucasian film producer who had been throwing his weight around in the movie industry for over 30 years intimidating and seeking sexual gratification ‘upandan’ from upcoming naive actress’s in exchange for movie roles or to advance their professional careers. Also known as ‘Couch Casting’. 

Kini big deal? 

Randy old men, sexual predators, misbehaving and taking advantage of their position since 1889 AD! 

Been there, done that, worn the t-shirt and ripped it. What Weinstein did is prevalent behaviour on our shores. 

Oya where do we start? Girls of our time entered the campus’ of higher institutions with not only the worry that they make good enough grades and leave with a decent degree under their belt but also praying that no ‘Lecturer Weinstein’ ‘should put eye on them’. When we talk of ‘putting eye on someone’, We mean taking an unhealthy interest in them, which could warrant a “Miss Lagbaja…kindly see me in my office this afternoon…I would like to discuss this assignment you submitted earlier” 

Assignment ko….assignment ni…. Assignment? Yeah right!!

Girls had to think quick on their feet and develop various defence mechanisms, one get-out technique from the above dilemma could be to go along with a few friends. Lecturer Weinstein would then open his office door (with his towel wrapped around his waist!) and see 3 girls ‘on rubber slippers’ wearing the most unattractive tent-like ankara sewn dresses with head scarf (it was all about deflection). They would start begging and pleading with him to have pity on their friend....

Next grade for assignment submitted could possibly be a 20% mark with paper annoted “Miss Lagbaja, a very poor analysis on the life of Judas Iscariot…see me” or if one’s star was shining, he could move on to his next target! Nothing goes for nothing!

Or memoirs of work experience at a well known Law firm in Lagos, on the only day myself and other male colleague did not come to work, ‘Barrister Weinstein’ asked our 3rd colleague to see him ‘in chambers’ briefly. As she walked into his office. He stood up from behind his desk, unzips his trousers, flipped out his ‘Jonny Walker’ and placed on table (come to think of it, one wonders…did it actually really reach the table?!) 🤔 She said she just looked at him straight in the eye, saying nothing but holding his gaze till he was forced to look away and he tucked ‘it’ back in. He did not flinch, no embarrassment ‘no nothing’. Not long after though he told her she could leave early and have the rest of the day off! Remorse?

The next day when we returned to work she quickly called us aside and jisted myself and other guy about what happened in our absence. Our response was to suck our teeth and say what an  agbaiya (big for nothing) useless man. We debated whether that was his ‘modus operandi’ and how many other law office attachè had been subjected to his ‘little performance. We then laughed it off. Simples. All in a days work!

I remember later sharing this story with a friend, she asked what was it with men and their “Jonny Walkers” and why would he have done such a thing, after all as a woman she had never felt the need to suddenly expose her boobs to a random stranger at a whim.  I explained that I could not help her with the answer however maybe Jonny Walker could explain himself!!

Or tale of a late friend of mine (may she rest in peace) she was a medical doctor and opened up a Health Centre in her local area, it was early days and she did not have much patronage. She always celebrated each new patient that registered at her clinic. Anyway there was this rich old man, ‘Chief Weinstein’ with 3 wives, he registered his whole family which included like 12 kids, at any point in time one of the wives would be pregnant. This man was my friend’s most lucrative  patient. His patronage provided the much need revenue she required to grow her practice. I’m not sure what medical condition this chap had but it warranted regular injections (jabs) and you know back then jabs were usually given on the bum (why I don't know? I’ve never had an injection in the bum in this neck of the woods!!) Anyway initially it was the in-house registered nurse that gave ‘Chief Weinstein’ regular jabs, until one day he told my friend ‘Baby doctor’ (he always called her that and it annoyed her) that he no longer wanted his jabs from the nurse but rather she would have to give him all future jabs!

Hmmmm, she kuku agreed, anything to keep a fee paying patient happy….on the day he turned up for  the first one, as my friend prepared the syringe (you know the part where they flick their index finger on the tube to get rid of any air bubbles, I really should have been a doctor!) and asked him to turn side ways so she could inject him in the upper corner of bum, you know like just under the hip area. Chief raised his hands asking her to hold on….he then stood up straight, removed all his clothing, agbada, buba and sokoto, pulled down his pants down to his ankles and then ‘bent over’ in readiness for his injection!! 🙈

My friends eyes literally watered 👀 she was torn between asking him to get out of her office or losing him as a patient and his custom. She weighed the odds. ‘Chief Weinstein’ went on to do this on each occasion he attended her clinic. She made the choice to grin and bear this perverse behaviour until her practice grew. One day she threw in the towel and travel to ‘the abroad’ ✈️

Or another 1st hand story of a friend of mine summoned by pastor to his office only to meet a female church member seated on a stool at his feet with his feet on her laps…she was filing his toe nails, actually giving him a pedicure. ‘Pastor Weinstein’ went ahead to discuss matters arising with my friend but she had difficulty in taking in what he was saying as she was so distracted by what she was watching unfold in front of her. As the church member was sat there massaging his feet as if it was the most normal thing to do!

Our culture of silence around exploitation of women is disturbing and no we are not talking about consensual relationships. When master of the house has an affair with the nanny, runs away with her living happily ever after, leaving the mrs as happens in those Hollywood films, that is consensual. And differs from when Oga Weinstein creeps to meet housemaid who sleeps on a mat under the stairs, every night forcing himself on her, while madam in her florescent green hairnet is snoring and rolling back 'n' forth upstairs on her super king size bed. He is well aware that the housemaid is the only member of her family working, supporting her parents with 5 siblings dependant on her, even though she eventually stops struggling and succumbs to him. 

I could go on and on...where does it stop? Re-reading this lengthy blog it's intriguing to see the ease with which I can just reel off instances of Weinstein(ism) within our society without much thought. I guess this is just another one of those posts where everyone goes quiet….

On that note, Thank God it’s Friday. Have a good weekend. 

If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then asdf[ jjhhs lkjjs hjjs  ~ Lemony Snicket 🤔

💅🏾