TAKE YOUR TIME....

 

The title of today’s blog is ‘An expression used to let somebody politely know there is no need to hurry’. 

However where I come from, used in Nigerian - English context ‘Take your time’ is a warning which translates to ‘behave yourself, desist from what you are doing or saying....or face the consequences’ often accompanied with scowl on the face and a finger pointing towards the person being warned. 

It is mostly used as playful banter though to let a person know you do not find what they are saying funny.  

There is however a more sinister phrase or should I say rhetoric question ‘my people’ also love to use.....drumroll 🥁 🥁 it’s the proverbial  ‘DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?’ When this phrase comes out of someone’s mouth you know it’s all about to go south!

Used mostly to pull rank or to talk down to someone we perceive as belonging to social class beneath us, particularly when we want to rise above the law and/or do not want to be called to order or held accountable for our actions. 

We see it all the time ‘big man’ stuck in Lagos traffic taking a one-way street in wrong direction when pulled up by the traffic warden, rather than face the consequences, accept the penalty ticket or ‘do the time’ he will attempt to intimidate with these words.  

The unspoken full threat goes something like this ‘Do you know who I am? Obviously not, because if you did you would never dare to speak or challenge me for what I have done as I have the capability and means to make things very difficult for you or destroy you’ It it actually a subtle threat☠️

On our side of the pond these words usually elicit fear and in more cases than not enable people to bluff their way out of some dicey situations. The consequences of ‘not knowing who somebody is’ could be as severe as losing ones job, being locked up without charge or beaten to pulp.

There is one caveat though......these words are more effective in our geographical location because of factors peculiar to our homeland, a place where ‘When money talks bull**it walks’

   

I bet you’re wondering where I’m going with this? 

A well known Nigerian ‘Unku’ last week attempted to use this phrase to get himself out of a somewhat awkward situation, unfortunately he forgot his ‘location’. He was not in his homeland or dealing with a Nigerian so his threat ‘Do you know who I am?’ fell to deaf ears, his bluff was called, he got served and trussed like a Christmas Turkey. 

The ‘gentleman’ (I use the word loosely) a well known married International Nigerian Gospel artist and music producer came on to social media, his Instagram to be precise, to make an unreserved apology to his wife admitting that he had engaged in some indiscretions while touring in USA recently🤦🏾‍♀️. He also asked his fans and leaders in his gospel ministry to forgive him.  

The streets of social media were divided some were of the opinion that he did the honourable thing by going public with his ‘confession’, others thought it was too much information and wondered why he couldn’t just ‘beg’ his wife privately at home, while the more sceptical ones were convinced the only reason he was sorry was because he got caught and that the most logical explanation for this public apology being either someone was about to go public with the news or he was being blackmailed. 

Little did they know barely 24 hours before his ‘confession’ an African-American USA based lady contacted a Nigerian YouTube channel Obodo TV to tell her story and was granted a live Q&A telephone interview. She used the alias ‘African Doll’ and was very open, taking full responsibility for her actions and admitted meeting him during his tour to the US. She had been a fan of his music, was in awe of him and had been quite flattered by the attention she got. She posted what we call ‘receipts’ i.e. evidence in the form of text messages between them over the months when to use her words ‘they were fooling around’, Instagram likes from him on her page and photographs of places they went. The whatsapp messages were so cringey😩

Not for one moment did she attempt to style their ‘Situationship’ as a relationship.  According to her they had both been ‘caught in the moment’.  She spoke of fine dining, illicit hotel visits, picking him from the airport on his visits for his concerts. All was well until ‘alarm blew’ and she found herself in ‘the family way’🤰🏾

Uncle’s countenance changed immediately, to use her words ‘he disrespected her’ calling her an idiot, stupid, fool and you know all those other words people use when they are not articulate enough to express their emotions. 

But then took it further by asking her ‘Do you know who I am?’ This phrase was lost on her and went over her head as she took it in the literal sense ‘Yes I know who you are, popular Nigerian gospel artist who has gotten me pregnant, duh’🙄 and asks why she was trying to embarrass him. Her response to that was when he was frolicking with her on all those hotel ‘hook ups’ she never noticed any ‘embarrassment’. He then asked whether she was aware that he has legal representation both in USA and Nigeria and would ‘deal with her’....as if she cared 🤷🏾‍♀️. 

She then alleges that he asked her to ‘sort out’ the pregnancy, then started posting photos of his beautiful wife on his Instagram, ‘ghosts’ her on all social media and ignored her calls😳

The lady accepts the ‘Situationship’ was not right, but that they were both consenting adults and the only reason she came forward to expose him so publicly was because of the disrespect he showed her and for all the other voiceless and intimidated women out there. She said if he had just dealt with her in a civil manner and the ‘situation’ it would have ended as a private matter between he, she and his wife 👀

But no, uncle chose the ‘Do you know who I am?’ intimidation tactic not knowing ‘kolewerk’. 

He has since taken a break from work and apologised for the disgrace and embarrassment his actions caused. He has also deleted his apology😐 Popular opinion as it, if ‘African doll’ had been a Nigerian she would have been silenced by his threats🧐

Moral of this tale, ‘Adapt your reaction to your location’ 

The End.  

Have a great weekend and thanks for your custom!

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes ~ Jim Carey

💅🏾