LEVELS DON CHANGE!

I was chatting with one of my oldest friends 'Tee' the other day, (oldest in the sense that I've known her for a very long time rather than oldest in 'age' before she has my head!) We were doing what we do best 'reminiscing'.

We were talking about one of my mum's favourite sayings:

"Twenty children cannot play for twenty years" literally what she meant was if a group of 20 children started out as friends.....roll on 20 years, there would have been some fallouts, some would have moved away, family commitments blah di blah, hence the group would decrease in number.

Our mum often used this phrase when we were growing up to buttress her point anytime we were disappointed by a friend, to encourage us to be more independent and less reliant on others.

'Tee' is actually an older sister to my friend 'Riri', we however became friends because we served our National Youth Service in Jos, Nigeria together.

I think the best part is that though all 3 of us currently live in 3 different continents we still maintain a strong bond.

And over the decades we have annexed an add-on to this saying i.e.

"Twenty children may not play for 20 years we however 26 years on were are still playing!"

My Oh My those were the days. And they can never be recaptured. We were young, free and naive. We all had our first 'proper' jobs', 'Tee' was auditing, 'Riri' was in a law firm and I worked in a head office of a bank, in the heart of Lagos. I shared an office with a friend called Caryn pronounced Ca-rin, (you'll understand all this detail later!). 

We'd all leave home at crack of dawn to avoid early morning traffic on 3rd Mainland bridge. At times we would 'car pool' any of us could pick the others from a designated spot. Or at times we would lengthen the journey by picking Carin up from her place on Pepple street, Ikeja. Some of you may know that this was an iconic street back then as Fela's Anikulapo-Kuti's Shrine was located there. In fact Carin's flat overlooked Shrine (another story for another blog!)

As far back as then traffic jams in the morning were the norm, the opportunistic vendors would hawk their wares in the build up.

The make of your car, how you looked or what you wore would determine what they offered you. If they thought you looked pretty or 'aje butter' they would surround your car with chants of "Aunty you need Tuc biscuit? shortbread? fan ice, yoghurt or chocolate drink dey", but if they assessed you as looking somewhat 'aje paki', 'razz' or 'wor-wor' you'd get the "Aunty I get rat poison o, you need am?, e dey work well well, any rat wey dey your house, no matter size, e go kill am" or "Aunty buy air freshner now, your shalanga (pit latrine, hole in ground toilet!) go smell fresh like London"!! as they would have seen you finished!!

Woe betide you if you scowled at them or squeezed your face as you'd get an "Aunty why you dey 'frank' face now, no bi me say make oga flog you dis morning" I mean what chance had a sister got??

Anyway we arrive at work, I'd drive into the local library car park at CMS, Lagos and hand my car keys to one 'broda' that minded car park, for him to park for me, you see my driving skills were very limited and I had not really mastered the art of reversing! (Yes, despite attending a 'Popular' Driving School in Ikeja!, but that's also another story for the blog on another day!) in fact my dad was so perplexed over his wasted money on those driving lessons, that he asked Dare, a friend of my brother to give me top up lessons before he allowed me out on the road. 

Sorry to digress but while we are on the topic of car parking, where I currently work there is  a nearby swimming pool, most of us park in it's car park as it's just a stone throw from the office. When asked where did I park most mornings, my reply is usually "I parked in the swimming pool" there will always be one smart 'effico' to correct me and say "Ola you mean you parked in the swimming pool 'car park'. And I wonder before n'ko? whether I say 'swimming pool' or swimming pool 'car park' they know what I meant, so why the need for 'grammatical' correction?

Anyway back to the matter, we'd arrived at work on the 10th floor of CMS bookshop house, the rules were simple, basically we had to be 'on seat' before the Oga (The boss) arrived. He was a distinguished gent being a member of the learned profession. He was respected and feared by most of the staff, people stood when he entered the room or when being spoken to. Myself and Carin were however less overwhelmed by his presence. Looking back now I don't think it was disrespect but probably more of youthful exuberance. You see we had assessed the situation, his daughters who were about same age as us, visited him in the office frequently, they had such a good rapport with him, and as this man was about the same age as our own fathers we concluded there was no need to 'shake' (fear) for him!

Each morning he would make his rounds about the office, he would pop his head around the door and say "Good morning Miss Sule" to me, then look at Carin and playfully say "Morrin Clarin" (please note spelling and how he has pronounced her name! He's added an "L"). We'd both chorus "Good morning Sir" in response to him.  As soon as he left our room however and closed door, Carin who was livid would suck her teeth and let out an ever so loud "HISS!!! What rubbish! What nonsense, Clarin ko, Clarus ni, where he see the letter 'L' join??! Weda na him christen me he go explain"

I'd be looking at the door nervously really scared that he'd come back and overhear her, I would be signalling at the door and gesturing her to shush but God forbid, Carin was not having any of it, she would engage gear 2 and continue, "shush wetin?? that's the problem with Yoruba people, too much respect, you just go dey shake for each 'oda' ordinary pronunciation dem no get, what's difficult in calling C-a-r-i-n, Carin, but no he must to add "L". Upon all the lawyer wey he claim he lawyer, simple English he cannot speak, if he wants to call 'cat' would he also add letter 'L' making it a 'Clat'?? Nonsense people. (for sake of clarity, I'm of yoruba origin, this my friend has just cussed me and all my forefathers, there was no political correctness back then!)

I try and calm her down and tell her its no big deal, this makes her more angry she says I should shut up, if he called me Lola and instead of Ola would I like it??

It was such a crazy cycle it would happen each morning, he'd greet her as 'Clarin' adding his missing "L". I'd brace myself for the "Morrin Clarin" African magic drama it was all like déjà vu. Upon all of Carin's threats behind closed doors that she would insult and correct him next time he mispronounces her name she never did. It's was all just Shakara Oloje (empty threats) on her part. (Some of you would now understand why when I'm in casual text chat I tend to use the word 'morrin' instead of 'good morning', must be the post traumatic stress from back then embedded somewhere in my sub-conscience!) 

Item 2 on agenda was breakfast (that's another blog post, involving Agege bread and beans!)

Item 3 on agenda is a trip to the Lagos High Court, Igbosere, (also another blog post for another day) to monitor whether the Counsel representing our bank were really worth their salt! We spent most of our time at the courts, the entertainment and drama could not be bought!

Item 4 on agenda, involves a rendezvous to Ghana High Commission, we're not talking visa's here but rather jollof rice, fried meat and buns sold in the yard outside! 

By the time we return to the office it's almost home time, at 5pm on the dot our Oga (a real family man, never spent long hours in the office!) is on the way to the lift, 3 members of staff in tow! one carrying his brief case, another some folders and the 3rd his jacket (#rolling of eyes  #straight face smiley).

It's time for Item 5, Myself and Carin have also packed our bags and are close on his tail, no other member of staff has the "liver"(guts) to leave that office before our oga, talk less of squeezing themselves in the lift same time with him. It was just an unspoken rule, "Enter lift with Oga? you craze??" I personally try to draw as little attention to myself as I enter lift and avoid any eye contact as lift creaks from 10th floor to ground zero. Brazen Carin, crazy girl, however would have the effrontery to actually start whistling or humming under her breath to pollute the silence. 

Oga's driver would be giving her the evil eye as if to say "disrespectful girl"  I'd just keep quiet, praying let's just get out of here. As the door opens we rush out, Oga would call out "Clarin, Miss Sule, have good evening". As 'per usual' once out of earshot Carin would let out her loud Hiss!!

This is actually a very brief summary of a working day in my life back then, it was a whole different culture wasn't it? Levels have really changed!  I'm sure back then if we had responsibilities and/or a few mouths to feed we would not have been so laid back! Mind you for my friend 'Riri' it was a different ball game she worked for one of the most disciplined 'London Trained' Oga's ever, her work pattern was nothing like ours. Everything was done by the book, the rules and regulations were plenty. Likewise 'Tee' as an accountant her job involved her moving from site to site, amazing how companies would shake, when she turned up to check the books!!

I'm told by the advisory committee that I should not involve myself in comments on this blog. But I just have to say something, "In as much as" (that's four words I've just used instead of one, as the word 'though' would have done!) I write because I love to, what really floats my boat is your comments, I however find that some of the wittiest and funniest  comments tend to be written by Uncle or Aunty 'Anonymous'!!! Come on you guys, even if you want to maintain your anonymity you could always use a pseudo name (imagine you could be Madam Kofo, Baba Suwe, Boy Alinco or Miss Pepeye for a day!). 

That's me done, though I can imagine if I were in your shoes, I'd ensure on this particular post I comment as 'anonymous' just to prove a point and to discourage me from interfering in the future!!

Thanks anyway for your comments (both anonymous and named), feedback and silent readers, they are valued. 

On that note you'll have to excuse me, as this side of the pond we're expecting The much anticipated Solar Eclipse, it's due to reach our local area at approx. 8:26am. We need to fetch our buckets of water! Have a great weekend. 

If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing ~ Kingsley Amis