THE MICROWAVE!

       

I showed image at the top of this post to a little 4 year old I know and asked him what it was, he replied "it's a microwave". I told him it was actually a TV and went on to explain that back in the 'olden' days that's what they looked like.

The way things are going, very soon none of the youngsters will know what a TV is  because watching programmes on laptops, hand held devices and smart phones has become the norm.

In fact, here's a test case: Send a child on an errand '"Go and get 'Grandma' 'tablet' from her bedroom" (you know we tend to drop the letter 'S' from our words, neither do we use the word 'please'!) 30 minutes later this child would not have come back as they are under the bed looking for the non-existent, small touchscreen computer rather than Grandma's 'Panadol' right there on the bedside table under their nose.

Back in the day, our television of blessed memory, took pride of place seated on the room divider in the 'Parlour'. It was sacred!

My two brothers and sister (The Crew) dare not touch it, talk less of watch it without the expressed consent of our parents. And when we were allowed, it was usually as a reward for either completing some school homework or after a glowing report of progress by the 'lesson teacher'. 

We were so easily pleased, ordinary TV adverts would excite us, because of the viewing restriction limits placed on that screen.   

But what we 'The crew' lived for were those long weekend trips my parents frequently made to our village, Okun Owa, Ijebu.

Yaaaaay!!! I've put my village on the map, been wondering how to weave that one in. 

Come to think of it I lie o, we produced the first set of identical twins in Africa and third in the world to have lived up to the age of 100 years! Yet another useful fact you guys can thank me for at a later date!

Anyway back to the matter, once we were sure that our parents were going to Okun Owa and would not be taking us along, the secret jubilations began. In the run up to D-Day The crew would be of best behaviour as they knew for that weekend as the first-born child I was 'Top-dog' they would be solely at my mercy. On that Friday as my parents drove off they could not have reached end of street before 'The crew' all rush to 'on' the TV and we start our weekend festivities of TV with a quick prayer that Nepa (electricity supplier) should not fail us. 

As the 'egbon' (oldest) I get pride of place in front of TV, my feet are up on my mum's treasured coffee table (they weren't called coffee tables back then not sure of phrase). I'm firing out orders to The crew, my sister has to make me chilled bournvita with ice 'block' floating inside. 

TV volume is up to the max. 

I've set task for the The Crew to learn the lyrics of Earth, Wind & Fire's ' Let this groove' before the end of the weekend, you're wondering why abi? I'm embarrassed to admit this but back then I often used my brothers and sister as light entertainment whenever my friends came to visit. I would line them up and they had to sing to my friends, they were a bit like the Von Trapp Family from The Sounds Of Music, only I made them sing much 'funkier' songs than "Doe a deer, a female deer..."

Over the years The Crew continue to remind me of this favourite 'bully girl' tactic of mine. They claim it was ever so humiliating for them, unnecessary and uncalled for. 

(So here goes, The Crew, all three of you: Ah, Ak and Ta, please 'free' me I beg, I've confessed, it's out there, let's move on, this matter is more than 20+ years old!!)

That TV remains on for as long as Nepa permits, the list is long, the interlude music videos were our favourites though, both the 'away'(foreign) ones and the local ones like Uncle Felix Liberty 'I'm your lover boy' Dizzy K Falola's (his jerry curled hair dripping with curl activator), 'Excuse me baby'. Our dear Late Sonny Okosun's 'Fire in Soweto'

There was so much thrill in watching 'stage managed' WWF wrestling with Mill Mascaras, Mighty Igor and Argentina Apollo!

And how can we forget our Home Grown Naija Dramas; Cock Crow At Dawn, Village Headmaster, Samanja, New Masquarade, Bassey & co, Mirror In The Sun, but an all time fav of mine was "Jacob, Aluwe and Papilolo" The comedy was on another level. 

There was also one crazy programme about Nigeria's colonial days, where they had a village court with an oyibo (he was in fact, just fair complexioned!) judge and his a crazy interpreter that would just be translating rubbish into Igbo. I think programme was called Icheioku.  

Not to talk of those Argentinean films or were they Spanish? with the English voice-over 'The Rich Also Cry', we found this particular drama so captivating. If one episode ended with lead actress, Maria, licking a spoon, roll on to the next week's episode, I assure you that spoon would still be in her mouth!!! How and why we enjoyed watching such is really beyond me. 

I now "fast forward' this long weekend, it's around 4pm on Sunday evening, by now our eyes are same shape as the TV, rectangular! We 'off' the television. We go to the freezer and bring out any solid frozen item and rub along top of the tv for about 15 minutes. We then all 'carry' our book and face the dining table to study. About 5pm we hear the familiar purring sound of the family car parking, we all rush downstairs. "Hello Mummy" "Hello Daddy" we chorus as we start to unload the car. 

"Hello children, how have you been, has every thing been ok? Hope you have been reading your books and not watching too much telly" Dad asks as he walks over to the TV, placing his hand on the top surface feeling for any tell tale signs of radiated heat. 

TV obviously is iced cold!!

I shudder at the thought of the TV's 'Mileage' for that weekend alone. 

Can you imagine the youth of today watching the same programmes we did?

A big thanks to you guys, the comments on last week's Mind Your Language! post were 'off the hook' I was really entertained by the sayings of all those parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents out there. 

And your concern over 'The Abeni Prosecution' matter!!

As for Okafor's Law.......I'M NOT EVEN GOING THERE!!!

We had a name dropper bantering Buhari's name and his 'alleged' Hausa sayings. 

And even a few Yoruba linguists in the building, correcting my spelling. For the record I think in Yoruba, process these thoughts in Arabic, from there they are filtered in Hebrew and the finished goods are what you see on written on this blog. 

And last but not the least an illegal unregistered Essex based Risi fan club, gate crashed our 'pari' as well!

On that note, Thank God It's Friday, have a great weekend, over and out!

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than write for public and have no self ~ Cyril  Connelly.