LEVELS DON CHANGE! (PART 2)

           

  

Earlier this week I was doing what I do best (No, not stalking your 'fotos' on your respective social media profiles!!) reminiscing with my dad and brother. And out of the blues my dad asks 'Ola what happened to that former boss of yours....you know the one that you worked with at Anthony Village, I can't remember his name ..ermmm' before my dad could land I chipped in "Mr Ooh" dad says yes 'Mr Ooh that was the name'

Dad sighs and says "what a character!!" To myself I'm thinking referring to Mr Ooh as a character was letting him off lightly. I then have a light bulb moment and tell my dad and brother, that It would be a disservice not to dedicate a blog post to Mr Ooh. As my brother starts to laugh, Dad cautiously asks  'are you allowed to do that, Ola. You don't want to put yourself in trouble'. I explain that I would not be mentioning Mr Ooh's real name, anything derogatory or untrue so what harm could it possibly do, I'm simply gonna put it out there!

So lets go there. Brace yourselves I'm pulling out the stops here, it's gonna be a long ride and I cannot guarantee I can narrate this real life experience in a single post, we could possibly be looking at Levels Don Change! Part 3 as a follow-on. 

My mum had a saying 'before we move forward at times we need to go back a bit first', so here I'll refer back to post I wrote some months back Levels Don Change! Check out here. In this post I talk about early working life, back in the day! What I failed to mention was that I had worked somewhere else prior to working with Oga and 'Clarin'. I believe this could only have been due to the post traumatic experience I had at my first place of work place working with Mr Ooh

As a young lass freshly out of 'school', National Youth Service under my belt and a brief summer holiday l'abroad and upon return to Naija, it was time to put my skills to practice and show mum and dad that their payment of tuition fees over the years had 'not been a waste' (shout out to Chi-Gul!) and get a job. In true Naija style, one uncle knew one Aunty, that knew one cousin that had a brother, who was married to one relative, that was a relation to Mr Ooh who was to become my boss (According to LinkedIn apparently most of us are only about 4 contacts away from the person that will get us that our much sought job of our dreams!)    

On the day of the 'interview' I turned up suited and booted looking very much 'the part', I walk in to the chambers, in simple English, that's a law firm. The set up is smart, minimalistic and neat. Carpet is a deep wine coloured plush one,  Air condition is purring we have receptionist, typist, messenger and one other junior counsel, I'm going to call him 'Dee' he nods at me and I nod back in acknowledgement. In my head taking in the whole office set up I'm smiling to myself thinking  'Baby you don hammer' (I'm on to a winner here). 

At a later date Dee tells  me on that on this day as he nodded back at me he was thinking, 'Does this babe know what she's getting herself into' 

After waiting for about an hour (Mr Ooh was 'in a meeting', please hold this phrase in your heads as its going to resurface, again, a lot!!!) I'm ushered in Mr Ooh's office. He stands up to shake my hand, I'm sizing him up, he's vertically challenged, smart looking, with the most intense, determined looking face I'd ever seen, I can tell he's taking me in. He crushes my hand with his overly firm handshake.

What struck me was he was much younger than I had anticipated, he was what I would call 'a guy' he could have been anyone's toaster! He asks me a bit about my background, I have no experience at all except what I learnt at 'school' and some 'office attachment'. He asks what had I been doing over the summer I explained I had gone to London on hols. And that was very much it, he explains me that he has a wealth of experience (he did!) and that he hoped I'd learn a lot in the job (I did, not necessarily work, but I learnt how to play 'mental chess' with this guy!).  

He introduces me to the office staff, real nice bunch, they were to become my family, shield, armour over the next 3 months (there is safety in numbers!) 

I get home, update my parents about my first impressions of Mr Ooh and let them know the future is bright! Little were we to know over the next 3 months, every evening was to become a family meeting about Mr Ooh's latest shenanigans and strategy/ coping mechanism I was to adopt next day!

First day at work I turn up kitted out to the hilt, white 'shat', black pencil skirt, brief case, handbag, hair 'washed and set' every thing on point, I had so shopped that summer in anticipation of starting my first job (thank you Tayo)

I hit it off with the staff straight away, we have 'Gifty' Sweet as pie, she's the office clerical support. We have a chap, Sunday, the messenger (I'm sure there's a much more politically correct title we would use now!) 

Dee starts showing me the ropes, Mr Ooh is in his office, Gifty says 'he's in a meeting'. The day drones on, I would not describe office footfall as being particularly busy. But clients do come and go. Recurring pattern when they turn up I notice though is they are promptly informed by Gifty that Mr Ooh is 'in a meeting' and they wait for about an hour before they ushered in to see him. 

In fact the way it worked was that 'his meeting' only ever ended when the client was so fed up waiting and threatening Gifty that they would be leaving, on this occasion you were rest assured when Gifty pops her head into this office 'the meeting' would have drawn to a close! 

Now these 'Meetings' he purportedly attended within the confines of his 2ft by 6ft office, albeit very 'showy' kitted with all mod cons and every series of law reports one could imagine, were with two other guys his business partners! 

Yep Mr Ooh had two associates, however I was to find out that HE was the one that called the shots and force to be reckoned with! His associates were nothing like him. These meetings were just 'boys' being 'boys'. And to give an illusion of them always being busy. Making themselves scarce in line with the law of 'supply and demand'!

Another common pattern emerged, most of Mr Ooh's client's came out of his office shouting and angry, but for some strange reason they always came back to him. Over the months I found out Mr Ooh knew his onions he was a thorough Lawyer but he did not suffer fools gladly, in fact he did not suffer 'anyone' gladly, not his clients, staff, business partners, friends nor family. 

This was the low: MR OOH LACKED SOCIAL SKILLS, HE CARED FOR NOTHING EXCEPT THE THRIVING OF HIS LAW PRACTICE, TO THE EXCLUSION OF EVERYBODY, INCLUDING HIS CLIENTS WHOSE FEES PAID HIS OFFICE RENT!!

This post serves as some sort of therapy for me as I had never known anything like it in my whole working career. Maybe you guys can help me to analyse how anybody could be wired the way Mr Ooh was!

His mother would often leave his office shouting in yoruba and threatening to disown him!! I mention the Yoruba speaking cos he only ever spoke English, you could have sworn he knew no other language. As he strolled casually behind her as she was dashing out the office shouting after her  "mummy that is all sentiment" he was not even breaking out in a sweat, embarrassed or fussed. By the way, mummy was not exempt from being kept waiting in reception while her son 'was in a meeting'

'Mummy' would still come back the next week and repeat the cycle. 

Mr Ooh did not do 'sentiment' neither did he buy sob stories. If anybody ever attempted to appeal to his sense pity they had so goofed!!! He had a default response:

Client: Mr Ooh I'm so sorry about not being able to make last instalment of your fees today, Some thieves snatched my bag on way here.

Mr Ooh: Madame so sorry for your loss o, but those are facts personal to you, I cannot follow you to court tomorrow. 

Gifty: Mr Oooh sorry I'm so late, there was no bus from Ojota to Anthony, so I had to trek.

Mr Ooh: Those are facts personal to you Gifty and no need for apology as I shall be docking half of today's wages.

Sunday: Excuse Sir, the transport money you gave me was not enough for danfo (cheap mini bus mode of transport) I had to add my own money.

Mr Ooh: Those are facts personal to you, Sunday. You should have got molue instead, it's cheaper. (Somebody help me here and translate 'molue' abeg)

Yes his mantra was "Those are facts personal to you!" in short "that story is not my business, it has got nothing to do with me, and I'm not gonna be swayed by it or change my views or decision because of it" 

First few weeks I worked with him I thought I was special and immune from his shannigans but as you know all good things must come to an end. I'd follow him to Lagos, chauffeur driven, wedged at back seat besides him. He'd ask me to reel off facts from his law journals. We would reach the high courts. He'd introduce me to his client in court as new member of staff and then tell them about how I had just returned from 'The UK' after my training and how I had specialised in whatever area of law that clients case related to!! It was the most embarrassing thing ever, he was well aware I'd schooled in Naija and my recent trip to London has been a mere 4 week holiday, simples! Neither had I specialised in 'jack'. (He was so good at stretching the truth)  

Then I'd have client pumping my hand, thanking me and asking how I was enjoying my return to Nigeria! 

But you know what? It worked for him, he walked the walk (albeit on his toes to increase his height) and he more than talked the talk. People believed in him, he knew how to big himself up!

He spoke ever so loud and was ever so frightened of being marginalised in court, I personally put this down to his 'small man syndrome'. 

One of the practices of court was two barristers are not stand to address the judge at the same time. If Counsel for plaintiff stands to address judge, the defence counsel must sit and vice versa. At times when the case was contentious one would find that this could become a thin line. And as Mr Ooh was such a intense character that could babble on a bit, he was so argumentative (he could argue with his shadow!) he often refused to sit down, so opposition would stand expecting Mr Ooh would take his cue and respectfully sit down (I laugh in Ijebu) no way!! 

He would remain standing, jumping up and down and start shouting repeatedly "I'M ON MY FEET!!!', I'M ON MY FEET!!!" Until counsel sat back down. It was so funny to watch, but you just had to keep a straight face. This was just one of his bully boy tactics to force the other counsel to sit as no one really wanted to start asking the judge to intervene in this court etiquette as to whose turn it was to sit or stand!

Mr Ooh always got his way! 

'Anyways' I got so used to Mr Ooh's chauffeur driven air conditioned car and trips to the Island. I'd get back to the office jist with the others, we'd laugh, joke and I keep them up to date with HIS latest drama. Dee meanwhile would have gone about his work for the day and just be returning to the office but unlike me he looked a bit hot, tired and flustered.  

Then one Monday morning I get to work and Mr Oooh calls me to his office, he's not 'in a meeting' this morning but since I am now going into his office, me and him are technically "in a meeting"

"You'll be doing a 'few' things for me on the Island today" he tells smiling brightly at me. 

He digs deep into his pocket and fishes out N200 then pushes it across table towards me. 

He starts handing me pieces of paper, folders and listing the places I'm to go:  Igbosere, Queen's Drive, Obalende, Marina, Broad Street (to mention a few!!)

Those that know Lagos, how many miles are we at looking here??? This miserable N200 he's just given me is not for Mr Biggs o (lunch money), it's for public transport! 

If the term "What the F%#*???" existed back then I would have used it. He's staring me straight in the eye expecting me to react, I hold his gaze as I'm not gonna give him the pleasure of knowing he has so disstabilised me. I take the money and leave his office. 

By now I'm sweating, I show the others the 'tashere' (miserly) sum he's just given me and tell them the places he expects me to visit with this money. Gifty shakes her head and says 'Sorry Miss Sule', Dee just stares at me with that 'welcome-to-my-world-your-holiday-is-over' look.

Only person that seems to be happy with this new state of affairs appears to be Mr Ooh's Driver (please note, I've ditched the 'chauffeur' title!!!) he is picking his teeth and has a dirty smirk in his face.

What the 'sugar' am I gonna do?? 

How would you have played this one out?

Here Endeth the lesson (for now anyway, to be continued.....)

Thanks for your 'patronage' and have a great weekend. 

You can fix anything but a blank page ~ Nora Roberts