I KNOW WHO I AM....

New Year's Day 2017

It's been a long time coming, they do say ‘Better late than never’ though.
I've always known I would blog about this at the right time, it was just a question of where to start. A quick read of my ‘About me’ on this blog opens with an introduction of myself as ‘Ola also known as Risi when I'm keeping in touch with my roots’. The roots I refer to here are my parents Muslim faith.

KEEP ON MOVING....

Photo above is me returning to the plantation after 6 weeks locked down in Lagos and 2 weeks in self isolation back in the U.K. In case you're wondering about the ‘plantation’ this is the location in which a currently employed person performs his or her job, and where a usually employed person performs the primary job used to determine his/her other economic characteristics such as occupation, industry, and status in employment. Basically whether you be Oga Pata-Pata (big boss) or a Small Fry at the bottom of the food chain you're all working on a fr***gin Plantation🌽🌽🌽🌽. 

LIFE AFTER....

Before the Social Distancing Brigade come for me with their sticks and stones, the picture above was taken Pre-Lockdown, New Year’s Day 2020 to be precise!
I was flicking through some pics on my phone and stumbled upon it. At the time this pic represented one big family. Post-Lockdown ‘Game ti change’ as this photograph now represents 5 separate households 😷\ 😷 \😷 \😷 \😷🙈  who are NOT allowed/supposed to mingle with each other and if they do they are expected to stay 2 metres apart. Who ever knew?

AND THEN THERE WERE TWO.....

So where did I stop…..

Oh yeah the part when I received the text from Virgin informing me that as all commercial flights from Nigeria were to be suspended from 23 April, my return flight to UK has been cancelled. My reaction was relatively calm as I had only just lost my dad so everything else kind of paled in significance, nothing seemed that important COVID-19 lock down included.

30 DAYS IN LAGOS AND STILL COUNTING...

A phone is ringing in the near distance and wakes me from sleep, the bedside clock reads 3:30am. I stare as my phone continues to flash and my stomach tightens as I just know I'm about to receive a life changing call I have dreaded all my life. I take a deep breath as I answer and hear Uncle Biodun's voice ‘Ola it has happened o……’ every single word he says after this I do not understand as I cannot take anything in. I do however manage to tell him that we will see him later. He assures me he has everything under control, I then drop the phone.

WE CAME.......WE SAW......2019

                           

Hi could you all quickly gather here for a selfie…..I've missed you so much!

Now this is really embarrassing, where do I start?

Let’s try the beginning, I cannot believe the last time I blogged was last year, October 2018 😩

Please accept my apologies but you see life happens, hopefully I shall be able to salvage what little shreds I have left of my reputation with this my post today. You see it's that time of the year again, you know….annual trip with The Crew ‘tinz’ and on a positive note I've brushed up on my skills so we have our first video uploaded at end of blog!!

WE CAME.......WE SAW.....2018 (PART 2)

       

Happy Nigerian Independence Day everyone. 

'Unku' Tinubu, Lagos no go spoil Ooo, literally! (If you know....you know!) 

I’ve kept my word to continue with a 2nd part blog about our travels to Prague. See part 1 here. 

WE CAME.....WE SAW.....2018 (PART 1)

           

Guess what?

We were in Prague last week! When I say ‘we’ I refer to a group of tight friends who have morphed into ‘fam’ over the years. We are 8 adults in number and 6 young adults under the age of 20. So basically 14 of us ‘took on’ Czech Republic!

A LITTLE BIT OF HELP FROM MY FRIENDS...

I had no plans to blog this week, then something happened to me!

When I posted blog last week, I did something different…. while forwarding blogpost to my usual Whatsapp‘RisiByName’ broadcast list, I added another name, ‘Dayo’ a friend who is also a former Naija Law school classmate of mine.  When Dayo received the post, he immediately popped up in my Whatsapp chat acknowledging receipt and saying hi. I apologised for forwarding blog to him with no introduction as it was the 1st time.  He said no worries and we continued from where we left our last conversation earlier in the year, when he asked whether I would like to join our law school Whatsapp group; I replied ‘Bring it on’.

IT'S NOT YOU....IT'S ME!

I'm feeling rather frivolous today, we’ve had some deep stuffs (‘stuff’ I know has no plural but if you know…you know!) on blog recently.
So we need to lighten things up.

Today I want to talk about modern day ‘Ships’.…new word for ‘Relationship’ (true story I didn't make that up). How times have changed, in fact to write this blog I’ve constantly had to refer to a new favourite of mine…The Urban Dictionary, an online dictionary for slangs and phrases. A great concept where people try to outdo each other with their crazy definitions of these latest slangs and words.

IS IT COZ I IS BLACK? (THE OFFICIAL COMPLAINT)

                    

This is an update on a blog I posted on 30th July 2018 “Is It Cos I Is Black?” recounting the day my brother was racially profiled by the police.

An official complaint has now been filed with the Independent Office For Police Conduct (IOPC) which I feel may be of interest to some of you.

I wish I could say ‘Happy reading’

Comments have been disabled.

IS IT COZ I IS BLACK?

                               

From title of this post you should know a major rant is uploading. 

I’m not here to play today, so I’m not observing my usual introductory protocol of banter or pretty pictures.  

I pray I can gather my thoughts to lay this one down exactly the way I want to as for once I’m somewhat ‘finger’ tied and not too sure what direction I'm going. 

So where do I start? I think I'm going to use the family of Stephen Lawrence as my reference point, if you live in the U.K. and don’t know who they are, there is just no point in you reading this blog post, you may as well just crawl back under the stone you've been living.

PLENTY MEAT......NO VEG PLEASE!

      

Happy belated New Year greetings, hope you had a fab Christmas.

Yes I know it's been a while and I actually have no excuse, I had planned to write a new year post but then I died.Yes you've read me right ‘I died’. In the aftermath of the Aussie flu that made the rounds this winter, I read somewhere that the test for whether one genuinely has a bout of flu is down to how one feels. If you feel like you have a flu…. you don't, that’s actually a mere cold you have!  If however you feel like you’re dying or been hit by a train then yes that’s the flu! So that’s it folk, you read it here first…I died. 

So now back to the photo at the top of this blog, if you're wondering what’s going on

sometime last year a restaurant “Ikoyi” opened in the Central London on it’s website the restaurant is described as:

‘A Chic space with decor that reflects the cuisine: a modern twist on authentic West African flavours’

WHATSAPP GOT TO DO WITH IT?

      

         

I’m rather slow when it comes to all things social media.

Apart from this blog and my addiction to reading Nigerian online magazines, my only other guilty pleasure in that realm is possibly my use of Whatsapp…or is it really a pleasure?

I was rather late in getting on the Whatsapp bandwagon, I was so hung up on Blackberry Messenger…it suited me fine. The mere fact that user’s did not need to have my telephone number and could be added simply by a unique BBM PIN number made it just right for me, I felt in control. I was somewhat paranoid back then and as Whatsapp started making momentum and people kept asking me to get with the programme I strongly resisted. 

My argument was I didn't like the idea that as soon as I download this app every single Musa, Nnamdi or ‘Funke’ I had on my phone contacts list who had the app would have access to me and be able to send me messages. (‘Kunle’ replaced with ‘Funke’ as I was worried that you guys would say…Haba Ola is it only guys you know!)

FUNKE!!!

One of the funniest virals of all time has got to be the ‘PRANKING MY AFRICAN DAD’ one.

I received this video clip one Sunday morning a few years back….my thoughts at the time were ‘see me, see wahala, so early in the morning?’ It was the Blackberry days and the phone was ‘pinging’ but when I ‘pressed phone’ roll on the credits, 4 minutes later……my chest! I couldn't breathe as I had laughed so much. 

If I was to do a blog post exclusively dedicated to that video we could possibly be talking pages and pages of descriptive writing, you guys would be here for days….It would be a disservice not to start off with a description of that typical African ‘parlour’. We have the all important white wedding photo of mummy and daddy hung up on wall above ‘the settee’, strategically placed above it is another ‘foto frame’ and it goes on….

AN ODE TO THE WEINSTEIN'S OF NAIJA

Let me think!

Where do I begin with this one? I'm feeling rather lazy and know ideally I should start this post with a quick recap about Harvey Weinstein and what he did, but please folk if you don't know, Google is you friend, kindly visit the street!

Anyway this weekend it was a friend’s birthday (another blog for another day!) as her day drew to a close, we crashed to the floor chillaxing and conversation drifted to the above subject matter. Now the funny thing was all of us had the same dismissive attitude about the Weinstein matter and as we spoke more and more we started to scratch the surface and eventually got to what lie beneath as it transpired that there was a reason for this our lack of enthusiasm on the topic.  

HERE COME THE BOYS....

                           
  

There was big hoha a few weeks back in Naija when a church in the build up to running a programme decided to give it a somewhat provocative tag line. 

We all know these tag lines, the more catchy, the more likely they are to gather attention and grow the ministry. 

They usually go something along these lines:

Oh God, Na Like This We Go Dey? (Single and Married Talk Show!)

Pray Yourself Towards A Husband Before End of 2017~ Revelation Power Assembly

Rid Yourself of Spiritual Husband in 10 Days~ Banqueter’s Ministry😩

King Of Curses & Demonic Covenants ~ Prison Break Ministries 

Lord Where Is My Money~ Comforters Chapel😐

4 Days Travel Programme: Anointing To Travel, Fast Track To America (true story folk, I did not make that one up!)

SUGAR & SPICE....

                                   

Hi Guys that’s my niece, Kanyinsola with me at the top of this post, she turned 10 on the day we took this pic but as a family member was also celebrating their 50th birthday on same day, she didn’t get to throw her own party. People say we look alike; I know we do, real chip off the old block isn't she? I just hope she doesn't inherit my temperament ( I guess her parents are wishing the same thing too)

So we pushed the celebrations forward to the following week, when she held a disco party for her school mates. 

Every year when my nephew and niece birthday are approaching the all important, life changing, decision has to be made……Do you want a Naija party or party for your class mates at school?

RANDOM THOUGHTS.....

Hi guys, sorry for the break in transmission.Yes I know it's been a while now since I last blogged, but well you know my motto….life happens!

Anyway luckily for you guys (never been one to be humble am I?) an old friend of mine has managed to get me to start writing again.
I had lost contact with them for a number of years and when I read from them recently through whatsapp, as we were discussing the situation ‘on ground’ in Naija and it’s influence on The Andrew-I'm-checking-out brigade.  It suddenly dawned on me that they were unaware that I had have a blog.
So I quickly sent them one of my most popular blog posts and asked them for feedback, surprisingly when I got their reply it was not what I expected….they replied and I quote:

IF YOU WANT TO HIDE SOMETHING FROM A BLACK MAN....

               

Ever heard of this expression "If you want to hide something from a black man, put it in a book" (or write it down)?

Well, yesterday I had such a busy day, so to unwind in the evening I popped in to see my nephew and niece. I sat there watching them do their home work and couldn't help notice their English textbooks. The topics jumped out at me 'Verbal Reasoning', 'Punctuation', 'Comprehension' and as I flipped through the pages it's all came flooding back and I commented that I wish I could do it all again. You know, like start off afresh, learning my A,B,C from the basics. I 'fessed up that I often mix up the use of punctuation marks and how at times when writing I muddle the whole speaking in First person, Second person and Third person thingy.  As for the 'Past Tense, Present tense' stuff let's not go there.

NOT THE 'OTHER ROOM'.....

I've counted around 30 articles on social media relating to President Buhari's 'Other Room' comment about his wife. Everybody has a view on the matter. On this one occasion and for the benefit of those of us 'Not into' Naija jist I will desist from referring you to 'our friend Google' and give you a quick summary. While President Buhari was on tour in Germany (How many countries has this guy visited this year??) his wife Aisha Buhari, granted BBC an interview where she made some 'not too palatable' observations about her husband's presidency. In response to her comments, during a Press conference when Buhari was questioned about his wife's political affiliations, he said as far as he was concerned, she belonged in the Kitchen, Living Room and 'THE OTHER ROOM'.

OUT OF THE MOUTH OF BABES 2

          

Who loves healthy family debates?

My mind goes back to last week.

It was my siblings against my brother who is also known as 'Alatenumo' this his nickname I think literally translates to 'A person that can go on and on about something' 

Those of you that know of him will know that he is racially and politically conscious. A voice for the underdog and he puts it out there in his writings. He does not mince his words. 

Anyway he is role model for my 7 year old nephew and 9 year old niece who are quite close to him. Like all kids they look forward to their birthdays and Christmas when they are assured of receiving interesting gifts from uncle. 

SPARE THE ROD....

   

I was reading a quote on a meme the other day it read something like this:

My parents spanked me as a child, as a result I now suffer from a psychological condition known as "Respect For Others" 

I smiled to myself as it all came flooding back.  I have a distant memory of myself, brothers and sister as children sitting in the car with my mum stuck in Lagos traffic. The hawkers are all out with their wares, a mallam selling horse whips pushes his head through the car window offering my mum a horse whip, 'Madam buy this horsewhip (also known as koboko) for your pikins'  

ARISE, O COMPATRIOTS.....

                              

Happy 56th Independence Day, my fellow Nigerians.

I woke this morning thinking to myself 'Ola you gotta blog about your homeland to mark October 1st' so I dragged myself up from bed seeking some inspiration but unfortunately drew a blank! I really did try, propping myself up and gazing at an image of our National flag but sorry folk 'nuttin'.

I listened to our national anthem, still 'shi-shi'

I even visited our friend Wikipedia staring at an image of the Nigerian Coat of Arms.  

'I look' the 2 white horses supporting the shield. 'I Look' the Eagle, Phoenix, Guinea fowl or whatever on the top with the words 'Unity and Faith, Peace and Progress' embossed at the bottom and thought to myself 'WOW, who Nigerian Independence 'epp?'

AFTER THE REGGAE PLAY THE BLUES....

      

Yeah I've done it again. 

Narcissistic me taking pride of place 'On top of blog' with my homeboy TJ who happens to be a friend's son and Minister Of Enjoyment's nephew. 

As you know there is always method in the madness, so obviously today we will be discussing all things 'Sport'. And as you wonder what's sporty about that pic, well I put it to you that me wearing that t-shirt embossed with a silhouette of my idol, Reigning Olympic Champion, Jamaican Usain St. Leo Bolt striking his famous pose is the closest you will get me to doing anything sporty. That t-shirt is 'The Truth' and those of you that know me well will know about my addiction to him and that coincidentally we also share the same birthday. I've had the T-shirt since the 2012 London Olympics,  a gift from my brother, I think his reasoning at the time would have been 'ah, this girl is showing passion in something apart from food, let's encourage her'. I cherish it, it's brought out periodically and worn with so much pride. 

THE HUSTLE IS REAL....

          

Hello it's me, Happy New year. 

Yes I know it's the month of August and it's been a while but the truth is 'life happens'

So 'hey ho' here I am in all my glory (cap in hand) the struggle is real!

The worse thing about taking this break from blogging was the day I was all fired up and ready to pick up from where I left and start blogging again, I had a technical glitch and could not access my blog account from my iPad. It was literally a case of "Man proposes God disposes' An update was required before I could log-on to Blogspot this however was impossible as my ipad was filled with photographs, videos and my music. I considered deleting some pics to create space but after scrolling through numerous selfies of my gorgeous self back in the day looking 7kg lighter and all 50 shades of cuteness, I said to myself 'no way, the pics gotta stay'. I'm not losing these memories. 

HAVE YOU GOT THE EX-FACTOR?

 

            

'Hello, it's me, I was wondering

If after all these years you'd like to 

Meet and go over everything

They say that time's supposed to heal ya

But I ain't done much healing.'

Fear not! This is not a case of slip of finger and no I've not accidentally copied and pasted a secret love message on blog. Any of you done that before though? You know, sent a message to the wrong person? Like message for Peter to Paul, or message intended for Ronke to Funke? Or sent Valentine greeting for Chichi to Chioma? Or the worst one ever is  texting gossip to the person one is gossiping about!

IT WAS A COLD DARK NIGHT......

      

The weather has taken a turn for the worst and 'they' say it's going to be bitterly cold this Christmas. On this side of the pond by 3pm it's already getting dark, giving an illusion the day has already ended. If you're a 'nine to fiver' you can get caught in that cycle of wishing your life away in the rat race cycle of wake>>work>> home>> sleep. If care is not taken one could start to feel rather 'low' and presenting SAD syndrome.  

A quick copy and paste job from Google defines "Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) as a type of depression that comes and goes in a seasonal pattern. SAD is sometimes known as "winter depression" because the symptoms are more apparent and tend to be more severe during the winter. The symptoms often begin in the autumn as the days start getting shorter. They're typically most severe during December, January and February.

FAREWELL MUBARAK....

   

Hello guys, you may recall back in June I wrote a blog post about my friend Annie's horse,   Mubarak and my visit to the stable yard. See post "When Risi Met Mubarak" here.

Sadly Mubarak became ill over the weekend and passed away. She was a loyal companion who Annie considered a soul mate, she will be sorely missed.    

Annie, may warm memories of Mubarak warm your heart always. On behalf of blog readers I say thanks for sharing her with us Xxx

When you are on a great horse, you have the best seat you will ever have ~ Sir Winston Churchill

IT'S NOT THAT DEEP!

                              

I wonder how many of you are like me!

I can worry and fret for England. When faced with a situation I'll magnify the issue, sit down whinge, whine and complain. I'll imagine the worst case outcome of that scenario, replay it in my head, rewind, fast forward and live it in my imagination. I've been known to go on like a broken record and over-analyse things. I really wonder how my people cope with me. At times when I'm over analysing a situation the girls have a default response for me! It's the above statement 'Mum, it's not that deep!' This really winds me up and I ask them 'what do you mean it's not that deep??' And the reply is usually " But it's not mum!!!"

I've checked the urban dictionary for the definition of this phrase it means "The situation at hand does not require such desperate actions or "stop being so dramatic"!!!