Hello Readers, I’m excited about this opportunity to guest blog on this forum. Let me start with a health warning as this piece may seriously damage your health, if ingested please stay on the line for one week and usual transmission will resume with Risi By Name and further instructions, compensation or refunds are a possibility!
When RBN first asked me to guest blog, I thought to myself “I have a lot to say because I like the sound of my own voice and I am a firm believer in blowing your trumpet lest it becomes rusty from lack of use"
The issue though “Is anyone interested in what I have to say”.
So wetin go interest my people?
Anyway 'sha' (I know, totally meaningless word!) an incident happened this weekend that gave me something that may be of interest to some.
Now this may be particularly Yoruba-oriented but I am sure other cultures have similar expectations/practices, whatever they happen to be. I wonder if there is any particular meaningfulness to these expectations today.
Kneeling down and prostrating have long being practiced and accepted a mark of respect for older persons. The question is “Do we still need this symbolism to express respect”
A friend of mine introduced me to her aunty this weekend and as is custom I went into a mini kneel, you know the ‘shakara’ (showing off), ‘city girl’ style which is more of a curtsey than the actual 2 knees 'gadagba' (fully) on the ground practice!
Aunty graciously stopped me in my tracks, showing she is confident in her respectability, dignity and did not require a symbol (like a ‘yeye’ city girl kneeling down) to prove or confirm it. I was very enamoured by such graciousness.
So I pose this question “To Kneel? To Prostrate? Sir/ Ma or none of the above?”
I tried to teach my daughter the whole kneeling down for elders thing, but I have to be honest she is not very compliant so I get rather embarrassed when somebody else’s child kneels or prostrates to me as I know my daughter is not likely to do the same to their parents. To her credit though she pulls the kneeling out of the bag sometimes, kneeling to some random persons. (Randomness runs in our family and she hasn’t fallen far from the tree).
I remember when I was growing up, one day my Dad decided he didn’t like the “yes Daddy” as a response when he called his children. We were expected to say “Sir”.
To me “Sir” suggests a master/servant relationship neither of which was relevant in the Father/child situation, so I spent many a month answering “ah” to his call instead of “Sir” (you need to sound it out to understand the workings of a child’s mind).
Anyway he eventually clocked my game and from then on I was forced to use the dreaded “Sir” until he gave up and “Yes Daddy” became acceptable again. (Oh Happy Days)
What peculiar symbolisms do we expect as a sign of respect, what does it mean to us and what does having such expectations say about us?
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia ~ Unknown.
25 comments:
To kneel or not to kneel. I am conservative, a firm believer in our culture and I so believe in it. I just love that aspect of our culture. To me, it is meaningful, and I still see it as a mark of respect for our elders. I am in my early fifties, I kneel for my elders as a mark of respect. I cannot see myself towering over my elders when greeting them. I do not have a problem kneeling to greet my elders be it on the train, which I have done in the past, or on Oxford Street, which I have also done. That was how i was brought up and I do not know otherwise. It is not a problem for Mr, I do it effortlessly and I enjoy doing it. I am just so happy to do it. Having said that, a lot of the people I kneel to greet appreciate the mark of respect and they tend to say, that it is not necessary to do so in this day and age. I just appreciate that aspect of our culture and I just can't stop doing it. I enjoy doing it and I do not have a problem doing it. I believe we still need this symbol of respect but I guess it is not for everyone. My nieces and nephew do the same when they see me. I appreciate it but I do not expect it from them, but they were also brought up that way too, bearing in mind that they are a lot taller than I am.
I would not stop anyone doing the same to me but I will not be offended if I don't get the same treatment. The fact of the matter is my family and loved one will kneel to greet me as symbol of respect and I do the same for any elderly person I meet be they my family or not, as long as they are elderly, they deserve it.
Yes, I kneel to greet and I also use terms such as Sir and Ma as a symbol to all who deserve it. I am old school and conservate and I love that about me. I am also a firm believer in our culture.
Haja Risi. You seem to be on leave this week, again. When do we expect you back?
Thanks to guest blogger. My kind of subject.
E ku ise o. Meaning, well done.
C'est moi.
i kind of like greeting elders, i think that it helps us preserve a piece of our culture, especially considering that we live in the UK and a lot of it can get lost in this environment
Tricky one for me.
I say Ma/Sir easily to people now I'm older and I understand that they enjoy it and will dine out on it for weeks. Small price to pay to bring such pleasure to people.
It's the hypocrisy that gets me. Sometimes as I kneel, my thoughts are how much of an as----e the elder is. Some people just dont deserve the dignity that culture affords.
Yes oo!
Fine topic!!!
I am a very respectful somebody myself, so I want the same respect! I don't care!
I saw my sister in Peckham last week while I was buying something and even though the shop was very small I managed to kneel to satisfy my sister and my self. All my children kneel down. With joy in their hearts.
Me. I can kneel down for anybody o!
We must not let our culture die.
Infact, Foluke as I write am on my knees to greet you Foluke for a good job. Hope you come back again. Nice job.
And the Yoruba ngbati ngbati brigade have come again with all their kneeling down business. Personally I don't care if a younger one kneels down to greet me or not. It's the hypocrisy of the matter that I have issues with. Like kneeling down to greet me them later on telling me 'auntie don't be silly' or 'uncle respect yourself o'.
And for the record I am Yoruba.
Putting your phone away and paying attention to those talking to you!!!
That's my definition of RESPECT.
I find this interesting. Funny enough as I was growing up my mum especially, never really enforced it. Though she was a disciplinarian and stands for no nonsense . She will prefer you greet and answer with respect regardless of you kneeling /prostration.
For example; YES MUMMY, PLEASE AND THANK YOU MUMMY, etc.
As I came off age , I made a conscious decision to greet the way it befits the person/elderly in my presence. My children have been thought the way I grew up but like Foluke's daughter they do it randomly especially when we travel back home to Niger. Lol.
It's our culture but it does not need to be overated.
We should be able to respect our elderly regardless.
Yemi
I am on my knees also to say Thank you.
Preach it sister!
The image that springs to mind when I think of whole kneeling down shenanigans is the poor housewife that has been dragged before the in laws by 'hubby dearest' for some offence committed. These offences can range from failing to serve his food on time to non specifics like 'not submitting herself to him' and her disrespect. As she kneels in the centre at the family meeting defending her case all of them 'putting their mouth in the matter' with one view or the other as hubby nods in agreement blah blah blah...
At end of meeting, wifey once again kneels down to beg hubby and ask for his forgiveness.
Please pass me the puke bucket.
Anonymous @ 2.00pm
Foluke ici. Merci
RBN,
before you puke let me give you more inducement,
A few years ago an 'Uncu' reported his wife for meeting up with an ex.....all platonic O.
In his complaint he said 'ti o ba fe she shino emi ni Oga shino, wa ko l'owo awa ni' (he is a major player and she needs to learn from the master if she wants to be a player)
So after that boast that he is a major player (which he is by the way) his wife still had to kneel to beg him for a platonic lunch with someone she has not seen in over 20yrs and will probably never see again!
I had to kneel with her to beg him. I cannot forgive myself for being involved in that madness!!!
So you understand when I kneel for some Uncu muttering under my breath how they are a useless somebody!!!!!
Funlola
holding on to culture consciously is a good PRO
Anonymous @12.25
Hear! Hear!
To kneels or not to kneels? That is the question.
Very nice subject
Firstly, it is our culture (and tradition)
Secondly, it makes us completely unique
Thirdly, it makes our respect for our elders to be so obvious (transparent), no matter how cynical it may be sometimes
In my household, it has become so natural for my kids (as they have learnt and observed from us the parents (we didn't have to sit them down to teach them)) to give respect to all. Don't forget that even the english have their own culture, tradition and respectful manners but you may not know if you're mixing with the "uncultured" ones.
Anonymous @ 20.03
What is the answer?
Hmmm!
Culture I agree with, you also equate (kneeling/prostrating) to your children knowing how to give respect to all......interesting!
Foluke. It was actually 2 am. I live for this. Just could not sleep. Cant wait to read the next interesting subject. It was worth waiting for.
I am expectant. Haja Risi, no pressure o.
This is our culture and we should hold on to it definitely.
We should try not to isolate people who don't share the same culture but are just as respectful to all persons not just elders
I very much agree with Mrs Jackson. We should be respectful towards every one, be that they share our culture and tradition or not. After all respect can only be earned not bought.
Foluke ... Very well written.
I'm all for our culture but it can be a bit of a bugger at the best of times.
Flashback: Lagos couple of years ago, I had gone home for a family wedding.
I hadn't seen a lot of my cousins in years. Most were all grown up. Majority of them looked familiar. Some I
Didn't know. The younger ones were good enough to give me a nudge. I was very grateful. One bush gal was in
My face "aunty e mo mi ni?" Meaning don't you know me? Thank God there' s no mind reading app.
All of a sudden some chap was being ushered in my direction, flanked by several cousins in aso-ebi! The party uniform.
As I was about to get on my knees and greet this VIP one of the cousin shouted NO and told me his name. Another young cousin ..
I felt and prolbably looked like a giraffe on speed. Bloody cumbersome.
Hahaha! @ iya ibeji . I thoroughly understand what you are saying as I'm from a big family myself. I'm still laughing at the picture you have painted. So funny.
Kneeling is better anyway than hugging some of those naughty old men out there! Why do some men do that full frontal hug. I hate it. I'm all for kneeling.
#kneeling
#keepingourculturealive
#respect
#doyouwanttoshakeme
#proudlynigerian
@ Ibeji aka 'twins moder'
I feel your pain!
@ fine gal no pimples
Best PRO argument for kneeling ever!
# no pimples ever IJN����
Post a Comment