It's so hot.
Hottest day of the year so far they say. I've seen people all shapes and sizes! What's it with 'these people' here and the sun? Any excuse to strip off and expose their bodies. My eyes have seen today eh! Who am I to talk though, thinking about my outfit I wore to work, a bit on the short side and sleeveless. With a bit more flesh on display than is my usual taste, but with this heat today it became a matter of comfort over modesty!
'Anyways' sorry to digress so as I sit here fanning myself and taking stock, tomorrow marks the start of the 2nd half of the year I'm trawling through comments on some of my older posts. I'm my 7th month 'in' with this blogging thingy majiggy. My word, you lot are such a 'bunch'. Even William 'our' guest blogger last week found you guys ever so funny. Which brings it all home to me that it is all about you guys.
The comments freshest in my mind though are from last week's blog; see here
Where we had an anonymous comment (29 June 19:57) stating in a kinda roundabout manner that we blog readers should be more cautious with our comments as most of us are 'middle-aged' or approaching middle age. Before we could call that Jack Robinson bloke, blog reader 'Albanese' was on that anonymous' tail with a quick rejoinder, her view being that our anonymous commentator had missed the jist of the blog and furthermore when it came to this 'Middle-age' label her view was "each to their own".
Next day we had blog reader 'Belle Of The Ball' giving her own spin on middle age matter as well
At this point in time I give a definition of the word 'Middle-age', Collins English dictionary defines it as the period of life between youth and old age, usually considered to occur approximately between the ages of 40 and 60.
Now this really got me thinking about the whole age thingy. Isn't age a thing of the mind?
We've all heard of THAT one school of thought "You are as old as the man or woman you feel" like seriously!!
I'm often told I'm child-like in my behaviour (not sure if that is a compliment or not!) coming from a culture where the whole respect and age thing is a biggie. We have women that pretend to be older than they are, so they can pull rank and 'form' big Aunty status. But my question is where is the fun in that? Common feature among 'our people' is that "up tightness", it's almost as if when one hits a certain age the laughter has to stop.
A friend of mine turned 50 last year, at her birthday "come-chop" after pastor had said opening prayers and left, my friend sprang to her feet and shouting 'let's get this party started' jumping onto floor pretending to spin on her head and body popping, you know like 1980 breakdancing style! She was joking, but she did actually get down on the floor. Myself, her hubby and her kids had a good laugh. But I could not help but notice a few 'aunties' (these aunties are younger than my friend and I by the way!) they sat there shaking their heads, chins thrust out with their mouths turned down at the corners and you could just see that look of disdain on their faces and the words 'you are not serious' etched in their minds.
Why do we take ourselves so serious and why do we find it so difficult to poke fun at ourselves? One of my pet hate phrases is the "you are not serious" one often used by our women to 'knock' anything that is remotely fun. Oh yeah and another awful one is the 'You have time' also used in the same context.
Eg "Ola what you doing?"
"Oh I'm just chillin, having a lazy day, writing a post for blog"
Reply "You have time oh, I'm busy ironing"
My thoughts, Continue ironing, you hear?
Some of us reach a certain age and the only thing we start to discuss is house work! Yawn!! Boring!!
Came off telephone call with 'someone' the other day about 10 minutes of my time gone discussing spring cleaning and skirting boards. Meanwhile their 'awon daddy' was 'out with the boys'. I suspect if reverse had been the case that had been a woman 'out with the girls' the response would be ' You are not serious'!! Just saying.
We really should learn to let our hair down, I tend to get along with people younger than me. In my head I think I'm about 25 years old (the body does show otherwise though!!). Don't get me wrong, I'm very much for the whole respect thing when necessary and still know how to do the Big Aunty you-must-respect-stuff when need be. But my age does not 'define' me. And you know the great thing is most of my friends are like that too.
I can't help but wonder if this "You are not serious" business could make a relationship stale.
Yes men can be cavemen and are possibly programmed to lust after women. But there are men out there that that don't want to be cavemen, they want to live in the 21st century but they keep meeting that 20th century "You are not serious" woman. Actually I'm being sexist here as there are women with such partners too. I wonder if there is a bit of pretence or hypocrisy here?
Who does not know the trick of eating meat, wiping your mouth and then pretending to be vegetarian! As the Yoruba adage goes "eni ti won ba ka ole mo lowo ni barawo" (you are only called a thief when you are caught red-handed)
Just saying.
Guys and dolls should quit the pretence, let their hair (or weave down!) and live life to the full.
On that note, let's thank God it's Friday and have a great weekend.
Thanks to William for last week's post.
The only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing ~ Elbert Hubbard
21 comments:
I have just woken up and want to be competitive this hot Friday morning. I want to be the first. I will be back later when I am wide awake to post my comments.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with someone about younger guys dating older girls. I think age is as much of a problem as we think it to be, and depending on your idea of what being old demands, you will act a certain way to meet that expectation. But that being said, there are still some limitations with time because we don't exist in a vaccum. People's perception of us goes a long way in creating our reality...rather unfortunately :(
I turned 60 recently and friends have been asking me "how does it feel to be sixty? My cheeky answer has been I do not feel any different from being 58, 59. I feel the same. I can do anything I want, albeit slower!!
My people are so fussy about respect of ages. Even when the age gap is only 1 or two years apart. My take on this, is enjoy your life at whatever age you are at! Life is too short to worry about who is or who is not respecting your age.
I blame the use of such descriptives like " pushing 40, reaching 50, making it to 60". It suggests this milestones are so onerous and we have to develop a sad and tired personality to equalize.
Lighten up people, life is too SHORT!
I had neuralgia for a couple of years, undiagnosed so I just sufferd in pain. Going out was not even a consideration. My balance was impaired, my speech and writing were also an issue for a while.
So why am I "shearing" this "Xfactor" story, just to stress the importance of enjoying everyday that you are able to, because a time may come when you cant. You can save any sadness till that time
Yes I have pushed 40, almost reaching 50, but nowadays I ram my ample backside into my jeans, stilletto afoot, brazilian at the ready and "swagger my jagger" (you get me blood)
I send nobody no message!
This age malarkey crossed my mind not so long ago – as I am (speed of light) fast approaching middle age! However, being that Arinze was born in the not so distant past, I do not have the luxury of feeling my age. Childcare and School run issues is a thing of distant memories for many of your blog readers but I am in the thick of it! So although I sometimes feel my age, I cannot use it as an excuse to put my feet up!
Like Ola, I have several friends across the age groups and it suits me fine. However, I also find myself in the unenviable position of having to form unwanted associations with younger parents (Specifically Nigerians) on the school run. At which point I am thankful that I am much older than these parents and therefore I make it clear that I am not up for their School gate gossiping sessions!!! Sometimes being older has some advantages, but for the most part I am still young at heart and like the party lady – rocking her moves, there is nothing I enjoy more than playing my old CDs (note – not downloads) and throwing down my own old school moves in the comfort of my home!
First things first, TGIF!
I get to be my age and act my shoe size, I think I struck a good balance, right?
I tried to take a selfie with my daughter and she wasn't having any of it (she can be a bit boring, that she got from her father).
My daughter has had occasions to question my mothering style, but am I bothered though?
I have spent half my life pleasing people, the best advice I got recently is "DO YOU" so I'm doing me and like the title of one RBN blog "only God can judge me now"
You cannot be serious.....the final nail in the coffin of stale relationships.
Some partners like to spice it up a bit (I don't mean weird perverted stuff).
When you cannot be serious appears all passion becomes reabsorbed to find expression somewhere else.
Then the serious people get the best of your hubby/wifey (yes, women cheat).
A word is enough for the wise, age is a number. Keep it in the numeric table!
Let the wisdom of age give you the grace to pick up your wings and learn to fly again.
@Albanese
Should in case at anytime u require assistance in getting into your jeans,with the wisdom my grey goatee beard brings I am 'at the ready' to help . Maybe u to could help me squeeze my six pack into my fitted tshat and fly my polo as I too approach the peak of middle age.
Age is all in the head, am playful and people try to tell me I'm agbaya, big for nothing becos they have stopped living and envy my youthfulness.
Fine boy Jonny u are not serious they say. They should continue to be serious as life passes them
Ms Jackson Ooooo
Don't mean to be forward but could you kindly explain what you mean by 'weird perverted stuff'
A few examples would be helpful and enlighten blog members.
Thanking you in keen anticipation!
Oh, oh, oh. Straight to the point, whoever that came up with the word age and the concept of birthday has done a great deal of diservice to Nigerians. Notice that as women get older and their marriage I think gets stale then you hear the statement 'awon daddy wa. Hey you cant marry your daddy - he is your husband'. We allow age to define us, rather we defining our age. I was shocked when I was told by someone that she turn down an IV to go and see a show with her husband, why because she is too old at 35 and get it the husband is 50. He defines himself as 50 years less VAT. Why do we allow ourselfs to get into this mode of I cant do this or that. Hey you only live once enjoy it while we can, because at some point nature will catch up with us all. The only thing that age does not define in our 'culture' is love for money, looting and love for the rich by women(dont mean to be sexist) however horrible and ugly he looks even with missing front teeth.
Age is but a number. You are right Ola, we have the so called 'aunties' who are probably younger in age but will rather act older...They age themselves before time. I feel young as i want to feel. It's in the mind and inevitably the body might slow down somewhat but I don't have to lay down and die before time.
I have a friend who is a couple of years younger than me. A mutual friend of ours always assume my friend is older. Hence, will make reference as big sis to her out of respect but calls me by name. This, I love but it's also amusing. I queried my friend of her feelings about this and her reply was of course she has to reference her with respect as she is not her age mate. We do need to get off our high horse and let go ...let the hair down, chill with a glass of wine, have a night out with the girls in a jazz club etc..don't get me wrong am not advocating frivolity but simply enjoy yourself. .only one life!! Much love Yemi
Anonymous@ 8:09
I think RBN and her readers may be very upset if I give examples.
All I will say is I am not a prude, but I think you need to draw the line somewhere.
What's age got to do with it? In my opinion, not much and a lot. That is contradicting depending on the matter in hand. I also feel that age is a number. At the age of 50' if the mind feels 30, then you are so. If at 30 and the mind feels 60, then you will act and feel so. I feel and believe that age is a number and a mind thing. Yes in a lot of African culture, age is taken so seriously, unlike the western world. Like the say, this country is a "leveller". People who are as old as your parents are referred to by their first name, no problem with this as that is the way it is in this part of the world. It is unheard of and unacceptable in the African culture. We pull rank and abuse this "age" thing and a lot of times using it to our advantage. If you are African, particularly NIgerian, you will understand what I am talking about. At my tender age is 20, I want to continue to be young physically, mentally, socially, within reason though for as long as it is permissible by my maker.
If RBN does not find the time in her busy schedule, to do this blog thing, that we all look forward to every week, we won't be enjoying this forum today. The platform is brilliant and I enjoy reading all the lovely comments and the banter. Keep up the good work RBN. It is my guilty pleasure and I look forward to it.
I believe in this thing called respect, however, when our husbands turn in our "daddy", that is a bit scary. I am guilty of this to. I will say, "daddy yin Nko"? I guess it out of respect, I would not want to refer to that person by their name, just because they are older and head of the family, call me conservative, old school, etc. I grew up in Nigeria, where a person older than you by a day is not referred to by their name, the are known as Sister, Egbon, Auntie, brother, Iya Risi, the list is endless.
I am a very shy person and I find it difficult to mix, only because I am shy. I will go to a party and starve just because I am shy to get up and help myself to something to eat. I have a friend who will make friends with everyone she meets for the first time, I wonder how she does it. Young or old. She is so full of life. My friend is in her late 50s but looks and acts 20. I guess that is why she acts and feels so twenty.
I am for "respect" too. This is something that you work for, you earn it. If you respect, you will be respected, nothing whatsoever to do with age. It is morally right to be respectful. Please and thank you go a very long way. We tend to take these simple words for granted some times. Knowing what to do or say at the right time at the right place. " Ki Olorun ko ko wa mo she o" Amen. May Almighty God teach us the right way, Amen. Inshallah Allah. IJN.
Respectfully, I am done and I look forward to another interesting subject next week.
What's age got to do with it? A lot, one MUST comport one self in an age appropriate manner! If you are 40 act 40, if you are 50 act 50! This is why people are disrespecting some people. Act your age. Carry yourself well. Use wisdom. Comport yourself accordingly. Age is for a reason.
@ I belong to no one! And to everyone else!
OMG!! YOLO!!
Really!
In this century?
You're having a right laugh, mate!
I'm not sitting around waiting to dry up like bonga fish.
I'm living my life to the full at whatever age!!!
Watch me break dance to heaven ---- only at the appointed time.
@ I belong to no one
What is an "age appropriate" manner? Who dictates these standards and on what basis?
The facts are plain and scientific. We live longer now because of advances in medicine. An average work life is 40years, women now have to work 8yrs more to draw a pension. Now there is no age ceiling on how long you can work.
The math using approximate figures suggests our age today is less a fifth from what it used to be.
So age appropriate, what age is appropriate?
You dont need to be a certain age to behave decently.
I believe RESPECT is to be earned not confered by age!
This post got me thinking , seriously Age has got nothing to do with it.I just Live my life and don't allow the society predict for me. Who says a 40 year old woman can dance at a party and must be looking serious? life is too short such..
Great post, i love ...
www.misykona.com
Dear RbN, I can confirm that Essex does not hold with the age=respect view. The fool at 40 is already doomed as the saying goes and deserves, possibly, my pity, arguably my scorn and definitely, resigned acceptance. My respect? I say, nay nay.
Age appropriate behaviour is a 'nonsense phrase ', much like 'a watched kettle never boils'. Age implies
but does not guarantee wisdom.
Age + wisdom deserves respect? Now you're talking. Yours truly never behaves her age but I get all the respect I can cope with albeit with furrowed brow and finger hovering atop a telephone poised to call for psychiatric back up. Occasionally I am labelled eccentric but I don't mind so much coz it allows me to behave badly without any real penalty.
In summary, Essex has already declared her position by unanimously electing me to the post of Life Presido of your Fan Club, so there....
My birth coincided with another great event, the 1st moon landing. So you can see that I have been chilled by many a harmattan wind. I refuse to "behave my age". Life is indeed too short and to do that would be too stifling and so boring. Respect yourself and others and it will flow right back to you in good measure, regardless of age and/or behaviour.
I stand with the Essex posse, jo.
@anon 8:21
Sad uninformed me has just quickly googled year of moon landing.
1969!! You're a baby.
Been a busy week for me! Sorry to miss the fun!
Hmmmm! This blog is my addiction o, better than my other addiction --- jewellery!
Ola, see that you have 'outted' me .... Breaking dancing and body popping at my second 21st birthday!
Lookout .... For my 60th I have a real concert performance coming up .... My blog family you are invited. Ola ..., you might have to beg for an invitation.
I'm busy enjoying life ... No time to think of age unless I hear my bones creak. Which is generally, twice a day on a good day.
For me the saying "ko si arugbo ni Ghana" ( no old people in Ghana)
I am not planning to get old anytime soon! Iya ibeji shan't gree o!
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