Let me think!
Where do I begin with this one? I'm feeling rather lazy and know ideally I should start this post with a quick recap about Harvey Weinstein and what he did, but please folk if you don't know, Google is you friend, kindly visit the street!
Anyway this weekend it was a friend’s birthday (another blog for another day!) as her day drew to a close, we crashed to the floor chillaxing and conversation drifted to the above subject matter. Now the funny thing was all of us had the same dismissive attitude about the Weinstein matter and as we spoke more and more we started to scratch the surface and eventually got to what lie beneath as it transpired that there was a reason for this our lack of enthusiasm on the topic.
We concluded that meeting a “Weinstein” was right of passage for a girl growing up in our time and for that reason unfortunately it kind of de-sensitised one as we start hearing the recent recycled tales of a filthy randy caucasian film producer who had been throwing his weight around in the movie industry for over 30 years intimidating and seeking sexual gratification ‘upandan’ from upcoming naive actress’s in exchange for movie roles or to advance their professional careers. Also known as ‘Couch Casting’.
Kini big deal?
Randy old men, sexual predators, misbehaving and taking advantage of their position since 1889 AD!
Been there, done that, worn the t-shirt and ripped it. What Weinstein did is prevalent behaviour on our shores.
Oya where do we start? Girls of our time entered the campus’ of higher institutions with not only the worry that they make good enough grades and leave with a decent degree under their belt but also praying that no ‘Lecturer Weinstein’ ‘should put eye on them’. When we talk of ‘putting eye on someone’, We mean taking an unhealthy interest in them, which could warrant a “Miss Lagbaja…kindly see me in my office this afternoon…I would like to discuss this assignment you submitted earlier”
Assignment ko….assignment ni…. Assignment? Yeah right!!
Girls had to think quick on their feet and develop various defence mechanisms, one get-out technique from the above dilemma could be to go along with a few friends. Lecturer Weinstein would then open his office door (with his towel wrapped around his waist!) and see 3 girls ‘on rubber slippers’ wearing the most unattractive tent-like ankara sewn dresses with head scarf (it was all about deflection). They would start begging and pleading with him to have pity on their friend....
Next grade for assignment submitted could possibly be a 20% mark with paper annoted “Miss Lagbaja, a very poor analysis on the life of Judas Iscariot…see me” or if one’s star was shining, he could move on to his next target! Nothing goes for nothing!
Or memoirs of work experience at a well known Law firm in Lagos, on the only day myself and other male colleague did not come to work, ‘Barrister Weinstein’ asked our 3rd colleague to see him ‘in chambers’ briefly. As she walked into his office. He stood up from behind his desk, unzips his trousers, flipped out his ‘Jonny Walker’ and placed on table (come to think of it, one wonders…did it actually really reach the table?!) 🤔 She said she just looked at him straight in the eye, saying nothing but holding his gaze till he was forced to look away and he tucked ‘it’ back in. He did not flinch, no embarrassment ‘no nothing’. Not long after though he told her she could leave early and have the rest of the day off! Remorse?
The next day when we returned to work she quickly called us aside and jisted myself and other guy about what happened in our absence. Our response was to suck our teeth and say what an agbaiya (big for nothing) useless man. We debated whether that was his ‘modus operandi’ and how many other law office attachè had been subjected to his ‘little performance. We then laughed it off. Simples. All in a days work!
I remember later sharing this story with a friend, she asked what was it with men and their “Jonny Walkers” and why would he have done such a thing, after all as a woman she had never felt the need to suddenly expose her boobs to a random stranger at a whim. I explained that I could not help her with the answer however maybe Jonny Walker could explain himself!!
Or tale of a late friend of mine (may she rest in peace) she was a medical doctor and opened up a Health Centre in her local area, it was early days and she did not have much patronage. She always celebrated each new patient that registered at her clinic. Anyway there was this rich old man, ‘Chief Weinstein’ with 3 wives, he registered his whole family which included like 12 kids, at any point in time one of the wives would be pregnant. This man was my friend’s most lucrative patient. His patronage provided the much need revenue she required to grow her practice. I’m not sure what medical condition this chap had but it warranted regular injections (jabs) and you know back then jabs were usually given on the bum (why I don't know? I’ve never had an injection in the bum in this neck of the woods!!) Anyway initially it was the in-house registered nurse that gave ‘Chief Weinstein’ regular jabs, until one day he told my friend ‘Baby doctor’ (he always called her that and it annoyed her) that he no longer wanted his jabs from the nurse but rather she would have to give him all future jabs!
Hmmmm, she kuku agreed, anything to keep a fee paying patient happy….on the day he turned up for the first one, as my friend prepared the syringe (you know the part where they flick their index finger on the tube to get rid of any air bubbles, I really should have been a doctor!) and asked him to turn side ways so she could inject him in the upper corner of bum, you know like just under the hip area. Chief raised his hands asking her to hold on….he then stood up straight, removed all his clothing, agbada, buba and sokoto, pulled down his pants down to his ankles and then ‘bent over’ in readiness for his injection!! 🙈
My friends eyes literally watered 👀 she was torn between asking him to get out of her office or losing him as a patient and his custom. She weighed the odds. ‘Chief Weinstein’ went on to do this on each occasion he attended her clinic. She made the choice to grin and bear this perverse behaviour until her practice grew. One day she threw in the towel and travel to ‘the abroad’ ✈️
Or another 1st hand story of a friend of mine summoned by pastor to his office only to meet a female church member seated on a stool at his feet with his feet on her laps…she was filing his toe nails, actually giving him a pedicure. ‘Pastor Weinstein’ went ahead to discuss matters arising with my friend but she had difficulty in taking in what he was saying as she was so distracted by what she was watching unfold in front of her. As the church member was sat there massaging his feet as if it was the most normal thing to do!
Our culture of silence around exploitation of women is disturbing and no we are not talking about consensual relationships. When master of the house has an affair with the nanny, runs away with her living happily ever after, leaving the mrs as happens in those Hollywood films, that is consensual. And differs from when Oga Weinstein creeps to meet housemaid who sleeps on a mat under the stairs, every night forcing himself on her, while madam in her florescent green hairnet is snoring and rolling back 'n' forth upstairs on her super king size bed. He is well aware that the housemaid is the only member of her family working, supporting her parents with 5 siblings dependant on her, even though she eventually stops struggling and succumbs to him.
I could go on and on...where does it stop? Re-reading this lengthy blog it's intriguing to see the ease with which I can just reel off instances of Weinstein(ism) within our society without much thought. I guess this is just another one of those posts where everyone goes quiet….
On that note, Thank God it’s Friday. Have a good weekend.
If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then asdf[ jjhhs lkjjs hjjs ~ Lemony Snicket 🤔
💅🏾
12 comments:
The keeping quiet bit is what perpetuates "Weinsteinism" (credit me when it enters CHAMBERS dictionary).
He is the very tiny tip of the iceberg! The good thing is a little thaw at the tip of the iceberg will raise sea levels across the world.
Two things rile me
1. The "HYPOCRITES" who keep quiet at the time and have the gall to say we always knew when it is all exposed. As far as I am concerned "Jailer and Jailbird" have a common ethos.
2. My peers who were sickened by the indulgence of their fathers when they were younger and are now doing worse themselves. That whole Solomon/Jeroboam thing (Non-Christians indulge me)
getting off my soapbox for now. "Hasta luego"
Nice one Risikatu. However the issue goes deeper.
These actions have always been there growing up and these are a lot of womens hidden secret. e.g. Family members taking advantage of young girls not excluding dads, the Aboki luring young girls into their kiosks, lecturers changing marks for gratification, houseboy and driver on school runs, cleaner in the office on low wage, Police taking advantage of suspects to set them free. Male coaches only playing women he has slept with in female football .. Unfortunately our culture religion taboo and stigmatisation makes it a no go area or swept under the carpet.
If my memory serves me I was a victim of a house girl. Was I? Wasn't I? Not sure too long ago.
However the resultant effect may have led to women being frigid in their marriages, infertility from STI's, lesbianism and on and on.
Recently in the news, girls from a Federal Govt Girls College were pimped for N500. With the harsh economic climate our young and adolescent girls must be protected.
The Weinsteins flourish in Motherland, nurtured by poverty of the victims,a dysfunctional criminal justice system,an epidemic of Stockholm syndrome and a subculture of learned helplessness - When you are poor and down in Nigeria ;you are available to all . Thank you for breaking this up into the limelight .
You only start to wonder how many times is the average girl and boy abused unaware of what is happening to them. This too shall end. Cultures will change as whatsapp spreads news of sexual abuse more rapidly to remote places. Issue is the proof and who will believe? Could this be the reason why black people dont report abuse as much as white people? God sees all this injustice exposed or unexposed.
Very good writing and a light-hearted treatment of a serious issue. Thumbs down for the routine exploitation of women that is amplified by the climate of impunity and amorality in Nigeria. The harsh times have made things even worse. I hope that many men will voluntarily forgo the brief pleasure that comes from sex with an unwilling partner who is crying inside. Our morals should be stronger than our libido.
Work place, institutes of education, churches, etc are distant. The Weinsteins are everywhere, in our homes, under our noses and in most cases they are our immmediate family members. Cousins, nephews, family friends who claim to care and protect but abuse our innocent children. They are perpetrators of abuse on our children and unfortunately we are blind to this abuse". Personally the idea of male relation in my home scares me. I would not encourage it or leave a female child in the care of a house boy, which a lot of parents do. Anything goes in Nigeria when it comes to child care. Not much care and attention is paid to child careor recognise child abuse. Education and awareness is helping lately. It is time for us all to pay more attention to what is happening to our children and in our immediate environment before our children become victims of the "Weinsteins" in our society.
Timely article. Time will have to be split to two eras I.e
BM Before Weinstein
AM After Weinstein
#NoLongerBusinessAsUsual
A well written article Risi! Nigeria was like a cess pool.... how many Weinstein’s could you bring down? At what cost? Would it be worth the trouble? And the answer to some of my questions would be ...... so somebody can not play with you again,fine gal! And so girls will just continue to play the Artful Dodger.😎
Women must check their men. Mother’s should check their boys. We have to make sure that men comport themselves in a very good way. If we take care of the men,they will not harass young girls and other men’s women.
#I belong to no one; I don't get how taking care of men would prevent these acts of Weinsteinism. A dog would always go back to its vomit. These men have insatiable thirst for filthy acts. And I hope no woman is fooling herself any further thinking the more she gives it to her Weinstein the less he would go out and find a prey.
Weinstein are in all nooks and corners of the world. The 'third worlds' poverty and corruption allows it to be fester. And like Iyaibeji said, at what cost would a Weinstein be brought down sometimes. Is it Mallam ' meguard' Weinstein who brought out his 'Mr Johnny' to a little girl or father's friend licking his tongue at the little girl or the revered pastor who wouldn't give a contract because nothing has dropped for ground... and it goes on and on.
Nigeria is a country wher sexual predators are seen as the norm. I remember the Dean of my faculty threatening to rape me if I didn’t sleep with him, grabbed me in the laboratory and only my quick thinking in knocking a microscope to the floor saved me. Guess the dirty old goat thought more of his equipment than me. On graduating as a geologist in a male dominated oil industry I quickly found that my working life would be a merry go round of trying to avoid groping hands so I legged it. I came to the UK retrained in computing and can happily say that it the twenty plus years of working in the U.K. tech industry I have no been groped or propositioned once.
Weinstein abi ki lè pe?
Hmmmnm.. .... there are more than just one version to the stories.
The sexual exploitation is totally and utterly unacceptable.
But the so called actors and actresses haven't told us they got the parts on merit. Kudos to that lady than ran away to another profession to avoid being weinsteined.
As a young boy living in Ijebu I was never weinsteined by my primary school mistresses. May be I would have liked it(I can't tell now)....lol.
Weinstein in arabian world is even terribly worse than one can imagine.
It is good that it is now being brought to limelight.
Earn your place....
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